Cast Of “The Smut Network”
So the other day a caller on KFC Radio asked who would play who in the Barstool movie and we barely even answered the question. Whole thing devolved into some ludicrous debate whether Adrian Brody is a good looking guy. Completely absurd. I think Pres might think he looks like him or something? Which he doesn’t. But it makes it really awkward trying to tell him that Adrian Brody is so far from attractive he couldn’t even get radiation poisoning.
Anyway got a reader email today with this artwork. Too good not to bring it up again. I saw Sales Guy as Bruce Willis and actually laughed out loud. If I’m casting director these are my first calls.
El Pres – Sean Penn
Big nose and they both love playing the Boston street tough. Pretty much perfect.
Me – Shia Labeouf
Guy who used to be funny and now sucks because he tries to act serious like he’s Sean Penn or something. Redemption role. Also, has a big nose.
Kmarko – Christian Bale
Dark, witty, misunderstood, American Psycho. Both love yelling at underlings. Bale is no stranger to morphing his body for roles so I’m sure he’d be willing to become less attractive.
KFC -KFC
Racked my brain forever. Can’t think of anyone who looks enough like him to play the role. So, like Jerry Seinfeld playing Seinfeld KFC would have to play himself. However if you think I’m gonna sit here and call KFC Seinfeld you’re outside of your mind. Instead we’ll say that in the beginning of the movie it’s explained that Kmarko recently got sick of BarstoolU so he snapped and killed KFC in order to move to Barstool NYC. KFC isn’t in the movie.
Mo -Stuart Scott
Black people get mad when he acts white. White people get mad when he acts black. Mo is Stuart Scott. BOO YAH.
Neil -Mike White
Too perfect. Once you’ve made the sale stop selling.
Big Cat- Eugene Levy
Jewish. Outrageous eyebrows. Says things that are so awkward and preposterous that they end up being funny.
Sales Guy – Bruce Willis
Bald as the day he was born. Always has a look that says “I’m a bit confused as to what’s going on here.” Doesn’t work much anymore.
Coming soon to a theater near you.
Sean Penn is too young to play Pres.
El Pres is Andy Dick.
Neil as the guy from that Showtime show is just… Gold.
A steaming pile of poo can play JMAC after that abortion of a post earlier
Who’s playing Jenna Marbles? I vote the chick from the BJ video.
Big Cat as Eugene Levy would be funny because I’m imagining Jim’s Dad furiously masturbating to Robby Lange. Whoa.
Steven Seagal should play kmarko. That would be hilarious.
Neil could just as easily be played by Toby from The Office. And that pic of KFC is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen on barstool.
I’m really beginning to think that Pres is a racist and will only hire members of the tribe.
Get the fuck outta here with Shia Lebouf u clown. I think a kid with downs would be a better suit for u.
Sean Penn? Try Randy Spelling
Who the fuck cares
Shouldn’t Hitler’s Mom being playing you?
Really Feitelberg? Shia Lebouff? More like Michael Rapaport you creepy fuck
when will you fucking retards all put an ‘enlarge photo’ option like bigcat does ? fucking romper room…
Um, KFC looks like a younger/bigger loser version of Tom Hanks. And El Pres looks identical to Zuckerberg’s older brother.
Wow. This topic is getting old pretty fast, eh?
Coming soon to a theater near you? Sorry Feits, none of the theaters near me show hardcore gay porns.
Hahahahahaha thats too perfect for Neil. JMac2 can be the asshole tattoo girl
The reader e-mail was much more accurate
This whole post was a tremendous waste of mine time – and I’m sure a drain on the vast Barstool resources.
Feitel is right, Adrien Brody is HIDEOUS. It has to be said. Like a dehydrated horse face with a wonk eye and a tan.
You are such a ballsuck it isn’t even funny. I can’t wait to tune you the fuck up
Way to put zero effort into this blog Feitelfail.
Radiation poisoning??!! Holy Christ. I really can’t believe how bad you are at your job.
Sean Penn is a liberal cunt
Big Cat is played by Rob Riggle. Common. Too easy, ya idiots.
http://cdn.partyearth.com/photos/aec8ef0b2245fb033badeb85bea236e3/rob-riggle_s345x230.jpg?1338919567
this is hysterical
KFC can be played by Sheldon from Big Bang Theory