Bostonherald – A Chelsea man beat his wife over a missing ingredient for the lasagna he was making during “Monday Night Football” hours before she was found dead in their driveway, authorities said.  Frederick Wilkes, 54, lashed out at Theresa Kenna Wilkes, 50, after he discovered beans inside a ricotta cheese container in their fridge, said Jake Wark, spokesman for the Suffolk district attorney’s office. “He threw the container of beans at her and they became involved in an altercation,” Wark said. Wilkes — a father of two who had been married for 28 years — pleaded not guilty to three counts of assault and battery yesterday and is being held on $15,000 bail. He is not charged with murder.  The fight began around 8 p.m. when the couple and Fred Wilkes’ buddy, Mario Donnarumma, went to the kitchen to prepare dinner before the Steelers-Bengals game, according to court papers. All three had been drinking for hours, and when Wilkes found the leftover beans, the argument began, Donnarumma told cops. Theresa Wilkes hit her husband several times, and he hit her “three times on the side of her head with either an open or closed fist,” said Donnarumma, a homeless man who had been staying with the couple. Donnarumma said he offered to go to the store to purchase ricotta cheese but was unsuccessful, and returned only with beer and vodka. Wilkes became upset again, and his wife, who was sitting on a couch, suddenly found herself covered in beans, Donnarumma said.The couple fought again, prompting Wilkes to say, “You’re done … get out,” while grabbing his wife and dragging her out of the apartment, Donnarumma told police. He also pushed the bean-splattered couch outside.

Everybody knows the Stool policy regarding stories that involve death and murder.  We don’t make fun of it unless they are foreigners.   But I just couldn’t let this teaching moment pass.     So this is for all the kids out there who read the Stool.   Let this be a lesson to you.   You never send a boy or a homeless person to do a man’s job.  If you want to ricotta cheese you got to go out and buy it yourself.   Because if you send the homeless guy you got living with you, he’s going to come back with beer and vodka 100 out of 100 times.  Next thing you know your wife is suddenly covered in beans and is lying dead on the sidewalk.   It’s a story as old as time itself.