DM – A newlywed bride, who waited until she was married to have sex with her husband, has opened up about the shock discovery that she is allergic to his sperm. Clara, 35, has seminal plasma hypersensitivity, an allergic reaction to the proteins in her husband Jeff’s semen – and even using a condom won’t help the North Carolina couple. ’I had this bizarre reaction,’ Clara told ABC, who for privacy reasons did not want to use her real name. ‘I had burning and swelling and redness, which was very unusual. I thought I had contracted an STD.’ After several visits to the gynecologist and and hours of research online, the couple finally got some answers, but it threatened to destroy their sex life after they had no choice but to avoid intimacy. Jeff explained: ‘It was a real problem, because everything else was great. We were madly in love, but it was a real game-changer for a while. ‘It pretty much dramatically reduced our libido. We really haven’t had much sex at all for the last 10 months. The intimacy level drops dramatically — all of a sudden instead of living with your new wife or husband, you are more like roommates.’
Listen I don’t care how madly in love with a girl I might be. Don’t care if we’re destined for each other, soul mates, a perfect match, whatever. If we can’t fuck because my sperm makes her vagina swell up like a toddler with a peanut allergy then some changes will be made. And those changes will definitely include negotiation for unlimited hookers at my disposal. Un. Lim. It. Ed. Hookers. Or possibly an unlimited number of her best friends. Either way, I need to be fucking something. Because if the constraints of monogamy are shackled around my ankles and the key holder refuses to let me bang her…well let’s just say there’s a good chance I’d be on the news. Just hope this guy works something out for himself before the voices in his head tell him to murder his wife Amityville Horror style.
PS – Case in point why waiting until marriage to fuck is the dumbest thing on the planet. You’ll never know if you’re working with a dysfunctional vagina until it’s too late.