Xi’an Up Close – An investigative journalism programme which airs on Xi’an TV, has become a national laughing stock after airing a report on June 17 on a “mystery mushroom” which was discovered by villagers in a rural part of the city. Residents of the Liucunbu village on the outskirts of the capital of the Shaanxi province say they came across a strange fungi-like object as they hit bedrock while drilling a new well. The perplexed villagers decided to call up their local TV station for help, which sent intrepid reporter Ye Yunfeng to their sleepy little hamlet to get down to the bottom of things. One villager who was there during the fateful discovery of the unidentified object tells the reporter, “When we dug down to about 80m deep, we fished out this long, fleshy object. It’s got a nose and an eye, but we have no idea what it is!” “Even our 80-year-old neighbour here says he has never seen anything like this before,” he adds.

Fucking Chinese. I’ll tell you what, the Japanese would have known exactly what to do with that thing. No need for news crews or discussing longevity herbs that Emperor Qingshi liked or asking the village elders what it is. Nope, the Japanese see a fleshlight 80 meters down in a well and they know you dress it up like a schoolgirl and cum all over it. No science experiments necessary. Okay maybe they’d pop it in the water like these guys did, but that would just be hoping that it would sprout into a real pussy like one of those Magic Grow pills.