Congratulations Esquire…You Have Officially Written The Dumbest Thing Ever To Be Written By Anybody In the History of Earth By Claiming Men Prefer To Eat A Chick Out Than Receive A Blowjob
Esquire – The blowjob has fallen on hard times. Or, to put it in the form of a crude question, who can really get it up for fellatio these days? Back in the 1960s and ’70s, fellatio was all the rage. I recently undertook a small survey of some more mature male friends, and the results, while not unanimous, were overwhelming. To speak plainly, given the choice, eight of the ten men surveyed preferred eating pussy to having their dicks sucked. Or, to put it in entirely numerical terms, 80 percent of males would opt for a 70 rather than a 68. And what about the other two men? Yes, you guessed it: They’re gay!
I don’t know what to say. This is quite literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever read in my life. Because I know this for a fact. 100% of men would prefer to get blown than eat a chick out. Not 99%. Not 99.9%. 100%. Every single hetero man on the planet would rather get blown than eat pussy. It’s almost like asking would you rather win 100 dollars or a million dollars? Would you rather date an ugly girl or a pretty girl? Would you rather break your leg or not break your leg? Honestly it’s that black and white. The blowjob will never fall on hard times. It’s King Kong, Superman, Batman and Lambert rolled into one. Just zero weaknesses. It’s been here for a million years and it’s here to stay.
A+
Esquire should stop printing immediately and every copy ever made burned and deleted from the historical records.
Ridiculous.
Blowjob
Chow
Fake chow
who cannot get hard for a blowjob??
eating pussy = better blow jobs, sounds like pres is just insecure because he can’t get the job done with that big jew nose in the way and is forced to snot fuck her.
I go down on a girl if she uses the same head pushing down move I used in high school. It’s the only way I’m going down there. I always ask for a blindfold as well.
so if you like blowjobs your gay, fuck dude im a pickle smoocher
frunkis, you need to go see a shrink asap.
Call me crazy, but I still celebrate the old 69. I love that pussy in my mouth.
I mean if go spelunking first I better get some dome in return or this diver is never going near the Cave of Wonders head first again.
Any man that would tell you different would either have to be one of those transgender animals or just flat out ashamed of his noodle..
It says “mature” men were surveyed. Obviously a bunch of limp-dicked old men. I bet when they were forced into retirement they said they preferred the free time and were excited about new challenges. Gotta save face somehow…
It’s obvious, they had a hot chick asking the question. Guys love blowjobs, but they love hot chicks more than theoretical blowjobs and will say anything they think the hot chick wants to hear. ”Blowjobs over eating pussy? Never, I worship the vagina, especially yours pretty lady.”
@Numero Two I am now officially calling it spelunking for the rest of my life. Pure Gold. Instead of the cave of wonders it reminds me of the abyss in that move Sphere with Jodie Foster.
Snot Fuck ™
I’d rather go down on her coin purse first and then she better be ready to return the favor or I’ll politely never speak to her again, fucking ever.
Finding the clit is like when she walks into the golden orb
p.s. Ciggarettes has the right idea. Do it simultaneously. that solves everything.
@stro, yeah, sometimes I catch my self thinking about how much va-jay-jay play sounds like you are putting your fist in a tub of Gak back in, like, 2nd grade. Fucks up my dirty talk all the goddamn time.
I would rather get blown by a fat ugly bitch than eat out a hot one if those are the only two options
Yo pres, as a guy with a larger than average snausage, 7 out of 10 BJs I get pretty much suck. And I sample from the largest audience possible.
Sphere with Jodie Foster? Do you mean Contact with Jodie Foster? Or Sphere with Sharon Stone? Or, we’re you just trolling for idiots like me?
Only way these results are legit would be if the survey was conducted in person by a hot chick. In that case, I could see a guy saying whatever he felt he needed to say to get her wet.
Other than that, it’s clear that no guy has ever blown a load just by going down on a chick, so the survey should have been properly pitched as, ” what’s better, getting a mouthful of vaginal secretions while putting out a lot of effort or sitting back and blowing a load?”. You wouldn’t even get 8 out of a billion, never mind 8 out of 10
@Stro & n
^What the fuck happened to my post?
Let’s see… she only surveys TEN guys, she HANDPICKS them, then thinks the results warrant publishing in a national magazine?!?!?! What a joke.
The blowjob was the rage in the 60s and 70s cause it feels awesome and you don’t have to do anything. Guess what, that’s still true today!
Everyone bow down to Matchbox20′s enormous internet penis!
69
And Portnoy pretends to knwo what guys think. Guess what, blow jobs usually suck. You know what eating out usually leads to? Sex. That’s why I’ll always prefer it to a shitty blow job.
A blow job is barely a step up from a hand job.
NV Pack, thank you I totally fucked up. Which is the one with Dustin Hoffman?
I love eating pussy but I love getting my dick sucked. I usually prime her up with a good vag sucking then she sucks my dick that much better. I would def prefer a BJ though
@matchbox20, I have an enormous dick too. Still love BJs.
TouchMySportsHub just made the gayest comment known to man. I think i’m slightly gay now after reading it.
TouchMySportsHub are you trolling or gay or have you never gotten a good blowie ovbiously some can be worse than others, but even comparing it to a hj is just wrong
Sorry roccot, you beat me to it on the hot chick surveying the guys
Blow jobs are like pizza. There is no such thing as a bad one just some are better than others. Give me a bj 24/7 but I do love to eat me some good snatch
Somebody get TouchMySportsHub a good blowjob STAT. Poor guy apparently has had some awful dome in his life.
Roccot hit it on the nail, its the only thing that can explain these results. they had an entire team of hot chicks asking random dudes this question, its the only way guys would say they would rather go down on a chick for 5 hours instead of getting a BJ… to get more pussy and BJs
The way to go is they blow you, you go down on them, make their legs shake all over the bed til they cover their face with a pillow to hide the screams and avoid the police coming over for a domestic dispute. Then while she’s still shaking uncontrollably, you move up the bed like a champ, and commence plowing. She’s already pleased and you can do whatever you’d like because she’s still in orgasm euphoria
Wilburham,
No way. Are you telling me that you’d rather take a BJ from Rosie O’Donnell rather than tipping Brooklyn Decker’s velvet? I call bullshit.
Felger- sober no way but if i was hammered i would seriously consider it. and using rosie is just unfair cuz i prolly wouldnt even get hard. and thats all you get is to lick brooklyn decker no return in anyway
its a great would you rather blowjobs from a 4 for the rest of your life or eating an 8 for the rest of your life, im going 4 all the way
I certainly prefer a blowjob…but I must say I love being between the legs of a hot chick. Stuff dreams are made of. It’s a coin flip depending on the quality of the snatch plus the blowjob skills.
banging
eating pussy
blow job
in that order
Wilburham,
Perhaps Rosie O’Donnell is unfair (as she is that fucking hideous), but I am going at this from the standpoint of stories/spankbank material. Guarantee that you relive and retell the Brooklyn Decker story thousands of times. On the flipside, you prolly drink to forget the Rosie BJ experience.
Hey thanks for the hooking up lesson, Stan. Did you get off writing that?
Are you kidding me? I wont even eat a girl out unless shes very very clean and is one of the better looking girls ive been with, in which case some good old 69 is the plan. But theres 0%. Chance of ever eating a girl out wen shes not top notch and returning the favor afterwards.
While blow-jays are the obvious answer, sometimes you just need a girl to sit on your fahz
nothing better than coming up like a glazed donut.
ya but felger decker is also unfair because its such an unrealistic scenario neither of us will ever get near a clam like that just think of the range of girls you sleep with a hummer from the bottom or licking the top hummer from the bottom all the way. and my bottom is down there.
Wilburham, fair enough. This kinda harkens back to the age old conundrum of whether you’d rather have a girl with a 7 face and a 3 body, or a 3 face and a 7 body?
In this case, however, I think it has to be skewed a little bit more. Would you rather get a BJ from a 1 or a 2, or go down on an 8 or a 9? It’s a fucking tough question when you take all of the variables into consideration. I think that Aristotle, Plato, Socrates and all of the other great philosophers have prolly debated this at some point.
Portnoy: Prefers giving blow jobs rather then eating box. so the point is moot
Damn i mean, i think if theres a 7 point differential or more (eat out a 9 or get blown by a 2) that really is a toss-up. Only reason its a debate tho is because getting blown by a 1 or a 2 is always pretty much a last resort option at most parties, but getting down with a 9 or 10 is usually a little bit more difficult. hmmmm still probly takin the bj tho
laying down on the bed, while your girl blows you gently and slowing, going for time and endurance is one of the greatest benefits of being a man.
Blowjobs are the second greatest thing a man can experience. A girl on top riding you slowly until your cock screams mercy while her tits are being used as your hand controls will always rank #1.
I took a poll and 100% of respondents (aka me) think that the “men” polled by Esquire eat their corn on the cob the long way.
@Stro and N
I guess “Numero” with an accent doesn’t post from the iPhone…anyway solid reference with “Gak,” that stuff and “Floam” were awesome.
@TouchMySportsHub — the blowjobs you get suck because they are usually some drunk frat boy in a dress and caked on makeup.
im still going with the 2 eating out the 9 doesn’t get you laid by said 9 or a bj from 9 the 2 will blow me and then i never see her agian no brainer really.
Pres…spot on. How the fuck could blowjobs “fall on hard times” (nice pun btw you Esquire jackasses, we all think you’re clever)? Magazine is trolling
Keep in mind that you are talking about a 1 or 2 in an entire population of women and that there are some estimates out there that say that 5% of Americans are morbidly obese. Morbid obesity is defined as a BMI of 40 or higher. To put that in perspective, a woman who is 5’4″, 225 lb. “only” has a BMI of 38.6. With a girl like that, I’d be a little bit afraid that she might forget that she has a cock in her mouth and not an Italian sausage or a bratwurst.
It’s in the April issue. Probably an April Fool’s joke. Aren’t April Fools jokes so funny?
I generally skip the scenes in pornos where the dude eats out the chick, and crank one to the blowjob scenes. That answers the question right there. Call me a selfish lover, but I prioritize my pleasure over hers any day of the week and twice on sundays. If I want to please her, I shove my guy right in and that does the job. Anyone who says differently is so pussy whipped they can’t find their dick anyway.
….or they have a 4 inch dick and it doesn’t get the job done.
super obese people like rosie odonnell are zeros not 1′s or 2′s. 1′s and 2′s are are the fat girl with an ugly face you meet at 2 am in the basement of some grimy bar
meriweather exactly i never watch the eating out scene I think that part is for chicks
It’s all about the 69 bros. Kills 2 birds with one stone
Hmmmm, cream filled or plain?
Think I’d have to go down on the 8 or 9. I legit do not think that I could get my dick hard for a 1 or a 2.
Quite literally
Dudes still eat pussy? I thought rimming took over since 2008?
Wilburham, I must concede you are right, “spelunking” Brooklyn decker – completely unrealistic scenario. But A BJ from Rosie? Thats 100% a real life scenario any one of us could come across on any given day.
Not much to say about this one except I didn’t name myself blowjobgetter. I think you know where I stand.
A+
Only thing Esquire is still good for is their pictorials with hot celebs in their home. They always dress the chicks up in the thinnest tees and thong underwear so it’s nothing but nips and ass. A+ blog ep, 5 cum drips.
If you can’t get hard from a blowjob, get another chick to do it. A blog.