Citizenship Application

From: feitelberg@barstoolsports.com

To:  7smkn-3434103992@comm.craigslist.org

Dear King,

Like the idea of a new country. Which island were you thinking of moving to? I vote for either Rose or Prudence. Both would be quite easy to overtake with the proper manpower. Being in Narragansett Bay is also a plus as we would not be far from the mainland in order to gather provisions when necessary. Plus have you seen the views in the summer? Breathtaking. Also, what kind of jetski comes with citizenship? I’m not that good a rider so I’d probably need some time to learn. Would you drag me around in a tube behind yours until I got the hang of it? Think that would probably be best.

I’ve attached a picture. I chose this one because the champagne and cowabunga symbol show I like to have fun, but the suit and tie show I know when to get business. I think we should look into bringing people like that into our new country.

Also, do you have any children? Is the title of Prince up for grabs? I’d like to throw my hat in that ring.

Hoping to be your serf,

John Feitelberg

 

 

Great idea. I’ve done one too many pussification posts to want to continue living in America. Shit has just gotten too out of hand.

See, this king is a go getter. That’s the kind of guy I want to be in power. He wants to get things done. He’s a mover, but not a Shaker. Petition the White House with thousands of signatures yet see no action? Start your own country. Boom. And thus far I’d say he’s got a pretty airtight business plan. No taxes, jetskis for everyone, complain and you’re out, include a pic so you know everyone is hot. Our current system of checks and balances pretty much prevents things from ever getting done, don’t need all that. You need one person in power. A shot caller like this guy.

And ya, following the laws of the bible is kind of intimidating at first. Would suck to move away and not be able to jerkoff and have premarital sex with all the super hot citizens. But there are some pretty sweet laws in the bible and I’d obviously pick and choose which ones I followed. I think the King would respect that. He’s not a conformist and he’s not looking for conformists. Wants guys who go to the beat of their own drum. So yea I’d jerkoff still, but I’d also listen to the bible and have slaves (white ones only, no racists allowed in the country). Following the bible is more of a give and take than an absolution. King gets that.