MLB.com – If Albert Pujols is a slam-dunk to win the National League Most Valuable Player Award, Derek Jeter is not too far behind to take the American League MVP Award. When Jeter passed Lou Gehrig’s record that had stood for more than 70 years over the weekend for most hits by a Yankees player, he sealed the deal. Sure, you can argue the honor should go to the Minnesota Twins’ Joe Mauer, or even Jeter’s teammate, Mark Teixeira, but if the Yankees captain isn’t MVP, the voting baseball writers should be investigated. When Jeter collected his 2,722nd hit at Yankee Stadium late Friday night, it was another of those cherished moments in baseball history — like the night in 1985, when Pete Rose passed Ty Cobb’s all-time hits record, or 1995, when Gehrig’s consecutive games record was shattered by Cal Ripken Jr. The legendary Gehrig, also a Yankees captain, was beloved and respected and for someone with the same admirable qualities to now hold this record is fitting. The MVP Award should go to the player whose leadership and value has contributed to his team’s success more than any other individual. Jeter has been that player for the Yankees as they storm to another AL East title. There may be teammates who have higher batting averages, hit more homers, driven in more runs, but no one has been more valuable to the Yankees this season.

So I suppose we can save a couple of trees and not even bother to have an AL MVP vote this year because it won’t be worth printing off the ballots. Or the bandwidth or whatever. I mean, it’s been a fait accompli for months now that Jeter would win the MVP. The national media members have been elbowing aside fashion models, Columbia co-eds, Upper East Side socialites and teenage girls from Flushing Meadows jockeying for position to be next in line to suck Jeter’s dick. Now he’s getting this shameless open mouth facial from none other than MLB’s official website. So why continue the charade? Why let Mauer or Teixeira or Kevin Youkilis or anyone else think they have a prayer? Just engrave Jeter’s name and give it to him already.

After all, you can’t argue with the logic? HE BROKE LOU GEHRIG’S CAREER HIT RECORD. The Yankee one that is. The one that applies only to them. So following that line of reasoning, Vernon Wells should win the AL MVP in 2011 when he breaks Tony Fernandez’ cherished All Time Toronto Blue Jays hits record. Ditto Ichiro when he passes that beloved All Time Seattle Mariners mark held by Edgar Martinez.  I’m sure we can all look forward to ESPN cutting into the games when those epic milestones are achieved.  And that’s what the MVP award is all about. It’s not about the guy who had the best season, it’s the baseball equivalent of the Irving J. Thalberg Lifetime Achievement Award. The prize we give to the guy who’s never been good enough, but he has been almost good enough for a really long time. And that’s Jeter.

Jeter’s merits are all about intangibles. He’s the scrappy “leader” with the “admirable qualities.” You sure as hell couldn’t elect him on the basis of anything else. Anything quantifiable. I used to think the worst MVP season I ever saw was Kirk Gibson in 1988, when he hit .290-25-76, 106 Rs, 31 SB. And Jeter’s .325-17-63, 101 Rs, 26 SB are eerily similar. The major, whopping, gigantic, 1,000 lb-gorilla-in-the-room difference is that Gibson played at Dodger Stadium, in possibly the worst lineup every to win a championship, and in a time when only East Germans and Ivan Drago were enhancing their performance. Jeter is sitting atop of a $100-something millon batting order in an era of big offense and hitting in the most ridiculous launching pad in baseball since the Rockies started storing the balls in a bread proofer. Oh, and he’s a subpar shortstop at best. But none of that matters. Production, output, you know… actual performance… don’t mean anything this year. You can’t vote for anyone else or else you deserve to be investigated. It says so right on Major League Baseball’s own website.