Do I Need To Fire Pizza Boy For His Little League Write Up?
So KFC’s whipping boy wrote an article on what your Little League position means about you today. Emails started trickling in that I better do something about it before we went out of business. I didn’t pay too much attention because generally commenters just rip everything. But then I took a look. This is the first thing I read.
First Base- I’m fairly certain the sports goggle industry would be bankrupt if it weren’t for little league first baseman. Easily the biggest goon and nerdiest dweeb on the field. Little league 1b has a terrible glove, a decent bat, and a missing chromosome. Downsy kids ALWAYS play first.
I was speechless after reading this. This is everything I rip other sites for. Just throwing shit against the wall and hoping it sticks. Because this is literally written like a dude who not only didn’t play Little League growing up, but didn’t play sports in general. Everybody knows that besides SS, 1st base is the alpha position on a little league field. It’s always the first kid to pack a lip or grow facial hair. He’s the first guy to get to third with a chick. He’s the kid who leads the league in HR’s. He pitches when he doesn’t play first. Granted lots of times the Little League first basemen will flame out by high school when everybody catches up to his early growth spurt, (hello Brian Oppenheim) but that doesn’t change the fact that 1st base is an alpha position in Little League. How somebody could be this off base is borderline shocking. After that I didn’t even bother to read the rest because all his credibility has been shot to shit.
So now here is the million dollar question. Do I need to fire Pizza Boy for this article?
Vote 1 for yes you can’t have somebody that dumb on payroll and 10 for nobody reads his shit anyway so who gives a fuck
(2,118 votes, average: 3.46 out of 10)
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Are you nuts? Strasser was right on. 1B consisted of fat kids and overgrown speds. If you were big and athletic you played 3B, not 1B. Or catcher.
Pizza boy was flat right on all positions, I never played on a little league team that didn’t have some large lumbering oaf at first.
Those big goons only pitched when the coach’s son got tired of pitching
Are you telling me that your guys 1B couldn’t mash? I mean, yeah, fat, sure, a bit goofy, you bet, but 1B raked on every LL team I was on. Granted, I was on a kickass team so maybe that’s why I remember the position differently, but the guys playing first crushed the ball.
id rather you just fire neil, but hey get rid of both while your cutting dead weight.
You’re thinking of firing Pizza Boy when you’ve got Neil throwing shit against a wall alllll day and nothing sticks? Com on Prez!
you need to fire pizza boy because he’s a mouth breathing pedophile and doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. anyone who claims that 3rd base is most important position on the little league diamond isn’t even fit to deliver my 3am drunken pizza order, let alone write for my entertainment
in Brooklyn little league 1B was superstar status. I played the outfield…
Our 1B was special, the touched sort of way. I agree with Strasser.
if nobody reads his shit you should fire him anyway
I’m pretty sure Pizza Boy’s credibility got thrown out long before this post
First had some power no doubt, but in a jack Clark sorta way
They definitely could mash the ball into the street past the field but they also needed velcro on their sneakers
First baseman on my little league team was literally tarded…great glove though he was a scooping savant.
SS and CF were definately the best players on the team .. Yea 1b man knocked homers like it ain’t no thing, but they probably tripped on every base running after a homer
Little league fucking sucks anyway.
Everybody is way off base on this shit! Outside of the pitcher the catcher is the position you want your stud. He has the ball in his hands constantly. Are you going to put some dipshit back there that cant throw or catch or block a ball and let somebody steal 2nd 3rd and home on three pitches? Great fucking coaching idiots!
Agree with Chaser….I was a catcher in little league and when i wasnt catching I was playing SS or 3b. Yes I was a fat little fuck.
You three mooks ^^^ have obviously never played on an organized team. elpres nailed it. the first baseman was the only guy who could catch 85% of the errant throws from the rest of infield, pitched every third game -available to save the other two and always had the boom stick.
1b was always the first kid that could consistently catch the ball, no point in having a legit SS if they put some numbnuts at 1b that let every throw get by him.
Fire pizza boy and Neil but keep and start paying Bigcat.
Considering I played pitcher, catcher and 3rd base, they are easily the most important, aside from ss where the fast little guy with a good arm played. 1st was for the lefty that was a good fielders. 2nd basemen and all outfielders were where the shitty kids played, although special ed kids were put in right field.
thank you
Strasser is Earnest fucking Hemingway compared to Neil.
If you’re talking small town little league, you’re lucky to have 3 kids on each team that are decent. You could stick infant girls in the outfield because the only thing getting caught out there is EEE and West Nile. 1B has to be a stud because there’s no chance your 3B can reach first on the fly.
When your talking All Stars, chances are SS’s from the town teams are playing 3B, SS, 2B, and CF. 1B is always batting 3 or 4 in the order and the only time he’s getting out is when he trips over his oversized clown feet running to first
pretty sure RF was for the idiots.
There’s a lot of people you could justifiably fire. Glad to see you’re in that mindset. Fiddleberg needs to get his resume in monster.com ASAP
I didnt even make it half way thru that blog this morning. Sfter he talked shit kn the 1 baseman and called catcher all “faaaattttt” with multiple f’s a’s and t’s i vowed to never read his garbage again. Fire the kid.
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I was a pizza boy fan until this blog
*spelling mistakes above. At work and in a hurry so suck my dick
Just be content in the fact that he’s in his 30′s with no future, bank account or pussy
Smug is awesome
wait wait wait, 1989? I thought he was a pizza deliverer in college. He’s at the mid point of his life and delivers pizza. fucking huge loser. huge.
pretty sure pizza boy lost his credibility when he became a fucking pizza boy, that being said he was spot on with 2nd base, i ump and all second basemen are below average kids who are the coachs kid
Catcher and first base are your best players. SS is the coach’s kid. CF becomes important around high school. Fire strasser. Fire feiteljew. Goodnight.
OK, I was a 1B/pitcher for 4 years and was an all star all 4 years. I may not have lead the league in HR’s but I was probably the best pure hitter and our league’s #1 pitcher. Caveat being our team never won districts but always came close, so that’s not saying too much.
Anyways, elpres nailed this while pizza boy missed it completely. Even the flaming out part in HS which I can attest to. But almost always the best player on any team is the SS or the 1B. 2B was a girl or little bro who couldn’t throw, 3rd was usually decent, LF was almost helpless, CF was fast as hell, and RF chased butterflies. Unless your team is stacked, that’s your typical LL team.
Little league first base is is always the guy who can’t field for shit. That’s why he’s at first, he’s essentially playing catch with the other infielders. SS and 2B are the big positions cause they were the fast ones, 3B (that was me) was the big guy with a gun for an arm, and the outfielders were just supposed to clean up anything that got by (although they did get hero status for a short bit if they managed to actually catch a ball). The pitcher just rotated with the rest of the team, and the catcher was whoever had the balls to put themselves right next to the guy swinging a metal bat and expected to catch any of the pitches.
fire neil…NOW
this guy right here, P, C, Home run hitting stud. BOOM
Dedicated to the queers who played right field – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOE-4C491Vo
I was blown away with how bad strasser’s post was. I played firstbase from tee-ball until I stopped played ball junior year of college. I now play 1st base in beer league softball. I wasn’t big, was average sized at best for my whole life, but I was lefty. When I wasn’t pitching (aka every other game), I was playing first. They would throw me at third or short when the kids there blew but it didn’t look right having a lefty at 3rd. And I’m not sure where you got the idea that the 3rd basemen was typically the star on the team. On my little league teams (travel, town-ball, etc.), we threw an average kid at 3rd. Watch the LLWS, the kid at third is usually solid defensively, and an average hitter. The good kids pitch, catch, play SS and CF.
LOL I remember that commercial. They nailed it. We had RF’s who would dig holes in the ground with their cleats, pick flowers, chase butterflies, watch cars driving by, etc etc.
1st baseman, 9 out of 10 times, is the worst kid on the little league team. The dad often became coach so his unathletic and lifetime loser of a son will have a chance to be a part of something…..once little league is over it’s either the bench or drama club.
Also Dave, the meebo bar just sux…has anyone actually used that thing? Bring back the “how beef is made” / vegan bullshit before continuing with this deal. Brutal.
you goosing everyone and KFC really wrote that blog?
@mattyg2k go to the mac store lately?
Best athletes are supposed to be up the middle. Catcher, Pitcher, Shortstop, and Center Field. If you played on a legit Little League team you would know this (hardo city). But everyone will disagree with catcher because they will think of The Sandlot and Ham Porter “The Great Hambino” comes to mind haha.
In LL I was playing third once, threw a BB to the tardo 1B, he missed it and it hit the 1B ump right in the face. The kid was like 18 and he cried like a little bitch. Hilarious.
” I played firstbase from tee-ball until I stopped played ball junior year of college. I now play 1st base in beer league softball.”- nyctfan
quote of the year right here fellas.. wow
GOLDBERG
First base was for the savages that chose to wear number 4 for all of T-ball because it meant they were batting clean-up. Bottom line. Also, it takes an EXTRA chromosome to have down syndrome, not a missing one. please fire the shit out of this guy
if you fire pizza boy before you fire neil ill never read anything barstool again
FIRE NEIL
I had an awful shitty coach once that set the lineup based on your position. Ex: pitcher led off, catcher second, 1st third, 2nd fourth… Needless to say we lost some games that year.