SPOTSYLVANIA, Va. — A Spotsylvania man’s family turned him in to police after he admitted to “fooling around” with the family dog, according to the Spotsylvania County Sheriff’s Office. Robert John Ward, 66, was arrested Monday for alleged bestiality. Deputies began investigating Ward after a family member called authorities with the allegation. Ward admitted to a deputy that he had touched the dog inappropriately and that he’d had the dog perform sexual acts on him, according to the sheriff’s office. A vet examined the dog and found that her anal glands were swollen, the sheriff’s office said. The accusing relative said the dog had been acting strange for several weeks.

What the hell is going on between the Commonwealth of Virginia and dogs?  If they don’t have millionaire quarterbacks forcing them to bite each other then electrocuting the loser, they’ve got sketchy old hillbillies making them give him doggy head and committing buggery on them.  The Virginia license plate ought to say “The Dog Abuse State.”  That said, I’m willing to give Robert John Ward the benefit of the doubt.  I know I’ll take a lot of grief from Dog Rights Advocates, but we all know they sometimes lie about these things.  It happens all the time.  You’ll be having consensual dog sex… just a normal, beautiful thing between consenting mammals…you’ve seen the license on her collar so you know she’s old enough, and all of a sudden the bitch gets second thoughts and starts howling “rape” and the next thing you know you’re being led away in cuffs.  Sure, maybe later on she’ll refuse to speak in court.  Maybe she’ll just roll over and play dead and the charges will get dropped, but then where does Robert go to get his reputation back?  I’m not saying that’s the case here, just that maybe Ward truly loved the dog and the dog truly loved licking his nuts in return.  All I’m saying is I’m going to withhold judgment in case there’s a perfectly innocent explanation for those swollen anal glands.