Sun A Tamarac man ran off with $29 that a woman dropped while at a Home Depot in Sunrise and refused to return it, brushing the victim off with a “finders keepers” before using the cash to buy crack cocaine, police said. But it may be 57-year-old Michael Futerman who is weeping now. Futerman appeared before Broward County Judge John “Jay” Hurley Thursday and was ordered held on a $3,625 bond during his first appearance court hearing. He is facing charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, petit theft, possession of cocaine and resisting a police officer without violence. According to a police report, Futerman scooped up the cash from the floor at the store at 2901 N. University Drive on Monday. The $29 belonged to a Lauderhill woman, Ruth Mae Facyson, police said.

Michael Futerman is so in the right here it’s not even funny. I don’t care what the Constitution says, some unwritten rules are bigger than measly laws. I mean can you imagine a world where these rules are just ignored? A world where your friend ignores your shotgun call and just gets in the front. Where a piece of food on the ground for less than 5 seconds can actually get you sick. Where circle, circle, dot, dot doesn’t protect you from cooties and “doorknob” doesn’t let you beat the shit out of your gaseous friend? It would be absolute chaos. If Futerman goes away for even 5 minutes I will lose all faith in playground law. You drop 29 bucks on the ground and it’s going towards crack. Everyone has known that since kindergarten. Finders keepers couldn’t be more clear.