WYFF – A 22-year-old man is accused of trying to steal a blow up doll, according to an incident report. Spartanburg police were called to Spencer’s Gifts on Tuesday after someone called about a shoplifter in custody. Benjamin Greene is charged with shoplifting, according to the Spartanburg County Detention Center website. A store employee said she saw Greene take a Blow Mylie Doll from the shelf, take the doll out of the box and conceal it in his coat. The employee said Greene passed all points of sale without trying to pay for it. The report said the employee stopped him and asked for the doll, and he let the doll fall out of his jacket.
See the thing about blowup dolls is that you really don’t want anyone to know you have one. If your parents or buddies find out you’re fucking some inflatable plastic slut then they’ll probably look at you kinda funny. Probably think you’re a bit strange because you stick your dick into a doll’s hole. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s just one of those weird social taboos we have to deal with. And as awkward as it would be if your pops opened the closet and a blowup girlfriend fell out, it’s almost equally as awkward to buy one from a stranger. Because make no mistake about it – the cashier is judging you when you buy a blowup doll. Same way the cashier at the grocery store judges guys who buy tofu. It takes a lot for them to hold back from saying “You fucking loser.” So like I’ve always said, when it comes to blowup dolls and tofu, you have no choice but to steal it. Nobody wants to live with the embarrassment of paying money for that shit. This kid would’ve never been able to look the Spencer’s cashier in the eye again.