Dearborn — A 55-year-old man faces aggravated indecent exposure charges after he allegedly fondled himself outside a church and elementary school late last week. Police said Patrick Bencher would loiter outside the Sacred Heart Church and School, 22430 Michigan Ave., after church and when children went outside for recess. “This type of deviant behavior will not be tolerated,” Chief Ronald Haddad said in a statement.

You know how they say you can’t judge a book by its cover? Well this is not one of those times. Like who the fuck cares that this guy beats off to kids?  What does that have to do with anything? Look at that fucking toupee for Christ Sakes! I mean holy shit! That’s the worst toupee in the history of modern civilization and that doesn’t even begin to describe how bad it is. So clearly nothing in this guy’s brain works right if he has the gall to wear that out in public.   So I don’t care if he molests kids or is a model citizen.  The toupee is all the evidence I need that he’s nuts. Just put him in jail and throw away the key.