– A Casper man hoped to gain his girlfriend’s admiration when he set fire to their apartment earlier this month, authorities said Monday. Jeff Wayne Oliver planned to extinguish the fire, saving everyone in his apartment and impressing his girlfriend, investigators allege in court documents. Instead, he fell asleep and only woke after a woman in another bedroom noticed the fire and began pounding on his door. Authorities say Oliver initially denied any involvement, but after taking a polygraph test, admitted to starting the fire in the refrigerator. He told investigators his girlfriend was giving all of her attention to her children and new friends. He wanted her to pay more attention to him.

Who said chivalry is dead?  Anyway I’m having a hard time understanding the timeline here. Like okay this guy set fire to his apartment. Check. Then what? He decides to mix in a quick cat nap before playing hero? Can’t do it. Cannot play with them, cannot win with them, cannot coach with them. Can’t do it. You just got to stay awake from the time you see the fire till the time you put it out. You just have to. I’m not knocking the plan. The plan is solid. He just got lazy. No other way to put it. Rule one in the fake arson hero game is you got stay awake at all times. Can’t be taking mid arson siestas. Just can’t have it.

PS – Did Costanza do this once? I honestly can’t remember. Either way chicks are so fucked up she may actually be flattered by this.