Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Would Call 911 To Say His Weed Was Stolen But The Operater Couldn’t Understand Him Because He Kept Puking On The Phone

StatesmanJournal - A 21-year-old Salem man reportedly called 911 to say that his marijuana was missing, but when deputies arrived, he was booked on drunken-driving charges instead, officials said. A man told dispatchers that while he was in the bar, someone broke into his truck, stole $400 cash, a jacket and about 3/4 ounce of marijuana, valued at about $180. About an hour later, the driver called 911 again, angry that deputies had not arrived. Lorance said the dispatcher had difficulty understanding the caller because the driver was driving and stopping several times to vomit. Deputies eventually found the man at 49th Avenue and Fontana Court SE, where he had parked. The man, who was found about 100 feet from his truck, told deputies that he was looking for the people who stole his “weed.”

I got to be honest. I’m starting to kind of get pissed here. I mean how many times do I have to go over this? If your weed gets stolen you call 912. If you can’t talk on your cell phone without puking you call 912. You only call 911 for life threatening emergencies. 912 for everything else. Seriously sometimes I think I’m the only one reading the Stool. Anyway just to make sure we’re all on the same page here is a quick quiz.

1. The Dallas Mavericks are 4 pt dogs and miss 4 of 5 free throws down the stretch and lose in OT by 7. Who do you call?

2. You see a fat bitch in public. Who do you call?

3. Your dad has a heart attack. Who do you call

4. Your weed got stolen by a skinhead. Who do you call?

5. You see Big Daddy Smooth at a Boston sporting event. Who Do You Call?

6. You see a horrible car accident where somebody gets ejected into the street. Who Do You Call?

7. McDonalds is sold out of Chicken McNuggets. Who do you call?

8. Somebody stabs you in the face. Who do you call?

9. You have to take a dump at Fenway Park. Who do you call?

10. You order a Barstool Shirt and it doesn’t arrive for a month. Who do you call?

Answer Key.

1. 912
2. 911 (that’s a life threatening emergency in my book)
3. 911
4. 912
5. 912
6. 911
7. 912
8. 911
9. 912
10. Nobody. Deal with it.