FL – Police say Brenda Schumann, 51, defecated and urinated on the floor, then went on an armed rampage through the house after discovering her husband in bed with another woman, according to a case report obtained by TC Palm. ”I found him in bed with a naked chick what was I supposed to do,” she later told a deputy, according to the sheriff’s report. Schumann allegedly stormed into the bedroom other Vero Beach, Fla. home at about 2:30 a.m. on Dec. 21, carrying a rifle and threatening to kill both her 42-year-old husband and his lover. After her husband managed to get the gun away from her he says she urinated on the carpet outside the bedroom before dropping a deuce on the kitchen floor. She allegedly found a second rifle and began to destroy items around the house, include mirrors, pictures and Christmas decorations. It’s unclear whether she was employing the rifle in the destruction. Her husband told deputies that she eventually left the house and drove away, leaving the weapon behind.


What amazes me most about this story is Brenda Schumann’s ability to take a shit in such a stressful situation. She comes in, finds her husband in bed with another woman, causes all sorts of commotion and hysteria, but she’s still able to somehow drop a deuce in the middle of it all. She must have had it stored up for a while. Must have been planning on bending a fresh biscuit on the kitchen floor for hours. Because that’s not just something that happens at the spur of the moment, especially when you have two people chasing you around trying to steal your rifle. Personally, I don’t even like shitting in a public bathroom if anyone else is in there. I need a private sanctuary to get the job done. But then again I’ve never been cheated on so maybe during times of adultery your bowels loosen up a bit.