LONG BEACH — A distraught man yelling “This is my beach” drove erratically in a parking lot and then plowed his car into the ocean Friday, authorities said. The man, whose name was not released because he is being held for psychological observation, wasn’t hurt, authorities said. Long Beach lifeguards and police were called to Cherry Beach, near Junipero Avenue and Ocean Boulevard, about 3:30 p.m., said Fire Capt. Rich Brandt. The white Nissan Maxima made it about 4 feet into the water before the driver and a passenger bailed out of the car, Brandt said. Witnesses said the man was screaming as he drove around the area, declaring “This is my beach” and shouting out his Social Security number.

This is one of those “we’ve all been there” stories. Sometimes life just gets the best of you. Like today for instance. It’s the day following a “4th of July” weekend. Hungover doesn’t begin to describe how hungover I am. And to add insult to injury, ESPN is running Wimbledon on all their channels. If you put me in a driver’s seat by the beach right now I would 1000% drive that car into the ocean while screaming my social security number. I’ve never been more sure about anything. There is zero reason anybody should be at work right now. Oh Pres wants me to cover the blog while he works on his tan and sips Margartias on Nobadeer? 015-80-1830 motherfuckers!

PS – when it comes to mailing it in, this is the new standard.