BRADFORD, Pa. — Police have charged a federal prison guard with shooting his own finger in a drunken attempt to remove his wedding ring at his northwestern Pennsylvania home. Online court records don’t list an attorney for 31-year-old Alfredo Malespini III, of Bradford, who was wounded in the March 2 incident. The Bradford Era ( ) reports police were called to Malespini’s home and found him with a bloody finger, after which he told them he was “trying to get rid of his wedding ring” and decided to “shoot it off.” Police say the attempt badly mangled Malespini’s finger, but didn’t remove the ring. Police say he was taken to an Erie hospital for medical and mental health treatment. Online court records show he’s yet to be arraigned. Officials at the Federal Correctional Institution-McKean couldn’t immediately comment on his employment status.
One of the saddest things I’ve ever seen was a guy try to take off his wedding ring for like 20 minutes. Used soap, pulled, twisted…just couldn’t get it off. When he finally threw in the towel he just looked up and was like “Well, I guess that’s staying on forever.” Lot’s of symbolism there. Now as far as shooting off your ring goes, well hey, a last resort is a last resort. You never want to fuck a fat chick, but sometimes you do because it’s your last resort. Same thing here. You never want to have to shoot your own finger off with a pistol, but when all your other options are burned what’s there left to do? Riddle that symbolic token of a failed relationship with led, that’s what. Load the gun and pull the trigger bro. It’s worth a shot.
PS – The fact that the wedding ring still didn’t come off his finger after he shot it is fucking eerie. Surprised he didn’t stick the barrel in his mouth when he saw that.