Radaronline – Emma Stone has a sex tape, and it’s not with her Amazing Spider-Man co-star and boyfriend Andrew Garfield, a source tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Emma Stone has a sex tape and that’s a fact,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She made it long before she started dating Andrew Garfield, and before she really became a household name. She was just young and probably thought nothing would ever come of it.” According to the insider, the tape has not been shopped around…yet. “The tape remains in the hands of the person she made it with,” the source said. “But that doesn’t mean there’s any guarantee that it won’t eventually hit the market. The higher Emma’s star rises, the more valuable that tape becomes.” “There’s no way she would organize the release of the tape; in fact, she would fight to stop it. She has no respect for women like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton who became famous because they released a sex tape.”
The fact that Emma Stone doesn’t want this sex tape out is exactly why it needs to be out. Like nobody wants to see whores like Kim Kardashian get fucked on camera. I mean I watched it and beat off to it (multiple times), but I wasn’t proud of it. I didn’t feel good about myself. I knew I was playing right into that slut’s hands. It’s so much better when the chick honestly doesn’t want people to see it. That’s what takes it from just another run of the mill youjizz video to something special. Anyway in light of this new development I figured I should do an updated top 10 chicks I’d love to see in a sex tape.
10 – Emma Stone
Might as well start with the girl this article was about. The queen of the romantic comedies right now. How can you not want to see her fuck? So sweet and wholesome. Need to see what she’s like when the cameras aren’t rolling. It’s the quiet ones you always have to watch out for. And yes I know Neil said she was overrated. Fuckin Neil.
She moved up one spot from last year’s list. I still can’t get enough of this freak. I know she’s nuts. She knows she’s nuts. Everybody knows she’s nuts. She’s fucking Chris Brown again even though he beat the shit out of her. You can’t teach that type of crazy. I just feel like you’re gonna see shit you’ve never seen before with a Rihanna sex tape. Just going flat ham on that dick.
#8 Jenna Marbles
Just hate beat off the fuck out of her. It wouldn’t make things right between us, but it would make me feel better in the short term. Actually check that. I forgot. I already watched her sex tape that she says isn’t her. Hi Jenna. I see you sucking that dick….
#8B – Hayden Panettiere
It’s been quite a ride for Hayden Panettiere. This girl has been in the spotlight forever. We first saw her when she was 8 years old in Clash of the Titans. Then she became one of the first “it” girls with Barstool Sports back when UB was still here. Then she disappeared for a while chasing whales and shit. Now she’s back and hotter than ever with Nashville. Rumor is she likes to be choked and beat up and shit in the sack too. Sounds like my kind of party.
#7 Linda Pizzuti
She must have so much pent up sexual frustration that whenever she cheats on Dr. Creepy she lets her hair down and goes crazy. Probably does it in some 50 dollar a night dirty hotel room too. Wants to be treated like a hooker and shit. Talking all sorts of trash about Dr Creepy doesn’t stuff her right.
#6 Bar Refaeli
Down a few spots from last year but still firmly entrenched on this list. You can’t have a sex tape list and not have the Jewish Jordan on it.
I’m not sure I’d even beat off to this one. Oh who am I kidding, yes I would. But there is definitely a strong non sexual curiosity factor with this sex tape. Like does Biebs lay pipe or what? Come on. Admit it. You want to know. It doesn’t make you a gayball. Or does it? Now I’m confused. Moving on…
#4 Scarlett Johannson
I probably got more hate mail for leaving her off last years list than I did when I posted Brady’s kid’s dick and rightfully so. No doubt one of the sexiest women of our generation. Titty fuck for days.
#3 Jenny Dell
Did somebody say titties? It’s just impossible to see somebody day in and day out as much as we see Jenny Dell and not want to see her fuck. IMPOSSIBLE. Some could argue that it should be borderline illegal. Like if you want the NESN job let’s see you take a dick.
# 2 Blake Lively
The only reason I’m watching Savages is to see Blake Lively fake have sex on screen. It’s pathetic. I’m going to beat off to an R rated movie like I’m 11 years old again. But with Blake you take what you can get at this point. Need to see the real thing though. Need it.
#1 Candice Swanepoel
If you’ve been paying any attention to the Stool lately you had to know she’d be my #1. I’m just totally and completely infatuated with her. Although I almost didn’t include her on this list. It was either #1 or nothing. Why? Well there is a part of me that thinks no dick besides mine is worthy for her so I don’t want to see her get defiled and ruin the perfect image I have of her in my head. But in the long run I figured the pleasure would be worth the pain.
Honorable Mention – I’m sure the #1 complaint with this list is going to be the omission of Jessica Biel who was #2 on last year’s list. Listen nobody loves Biel more than I. But she’s all married and shit now. I don’t want to see married people sex. Shit is boring. Trust me. Now if it was an old sex tape when she was single and had to prove a point every night then she’d be an automatic for this list.