I’m pretty sure by now every living American has gotten used to how ESPN does business. The way they glom onto an athlete with a high Q rating, then line up every personality they have single file and have them take turns fellating they guy 24 hours a day. Lebron. Tiger. Jeter. And no one in the history of the WWL has ever been on the business end of more fawining, worshipful, open-mouthed facials than Tim Tebow. I ain’t mad at you, Bristol. I get it. He’s good looking. He’s popular. He was a big deal in college. He’s got Jesus’ private number. I actually kind of think it’s cute. Seriously when they send Sal Pal down to Jets camp to count how many snaps Tebow got in practice or run graphics about how many times the Wildcat’s been run around the league, I just kind of turn my head to the side and smile and say “Ohhhh you, ESPN. Get out of here with that you crazy kids.” I didn’t even mind this Tweet:
@AdamSchefter: Happy 25th birthday to @TimTebow.
…Notwithstanding that there are probably 40 NFL players having a birthday every single day and they don’t get a shout out from Adam Schefter. I mean, Tebow’s the Jets backup QB but I don’t seen Brian Hoyer getting made to feel special on his big day. But again, that’s just ESPN being ESPN.
But I draw the line at that picture. It’s like “One of these things is not like the other” on Sesame Street. That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more. Not only is today God’s Other Son’s birthday, but yesterday was National Lefthanders Day. Which I know in Bristol was like a 8 year old boy having his birthday and Christmas on back-to-back days. It was more excitement than they could handle and they went so crazy all the Ritalin in the medicine cabinet couldn’t calm them down. So they put together a graphic of the Six Best Left Handed Athletes of All time. Really? Sandy Koufax, who had the greatest run of any pitcher in history. Babe Ruth who would’ve made it to the HoF as a pitcher if he wasn’t so busy shattering every hitting record in the book. Bill Russell who in 15 years won 11 NBA Titles, 2 NCAAs and an Olympic Gold. Steve Young who had the highest career rating at the hardest position in all of sports. Phil Mickelson, the best lefty golfer of all time. Annnnd… the 2nd string quarterback/ punt protection guy on an 8-8 team who last year completed 45% of his throws. THAT’s who they pick as one of the top six lefties of all time. Not, say, Marvin Hagler, just to throw out one name. Or Steve Carlton, Ken Stabler, Whitey Ford or any of a million others. But so desperate are they to make themselves into All Tim All the Time TV, they’re willing to disrespect those legends for a guy who can’t break the lineup in one of the worst offenses in football. And with this, their false-idoling of Tebow is officially not cute any more. @JerryThornton1