Forget Michael Jackson…Two Midget Wrestlers Dead In Mexico After Wild Sex Romp.

Sun UK - TWO hookers were being quizzed last night after a pair of wrestling MIDGETS died in a sex party – plunging an entire country into mourning. Pint-size grappler Alberto Jimenez, 35, and his twin Alejandro – national heroes in Mexico – were drugged and robbed after picking up two tarts at a hotel. The thieving hookers are believed to have spiked their booze with eye drops to knock them out – but the dose was too much for their tiny frames. Grief-stricken fans yesterday paid their respects as Alberto – whose wrestling name was Little Death – was taken home in a coffin with the mask from his trademark skeleton costume on the lid. He was accompanied by his twin, known in the ring as Espectrito, whose casket also bore his mask. Tearful mini-wrestlers donned their own costumes to form a guard of honour. Midget wrestlers are feted in Mexico where the sport remains huge after its popularity in other countries began to wane in the 1970s.

Geez, Mexico can’t catch a break huh? First they have drug wars, then they get the swine flu and now they have gangs of hookers roving the countryside drugging the shit out of midget wrestlers. When will this madness end? Listen everybody knows there is a 50/50 chance you get robbed when you hire a hooker. That’s part of the excitement. I mean people really didn’t think I lost my wallet playing blackjack in Vegas did they? But what happened to honor among thieves? Listen slut, if you can get my wallet or personal belongings without me realizing it then god bless you. Hell I don’t even care if you tie me and then rob me Costanza style.  I’ll just tip my cap and say job well done. But roofying people with eye drops? That’s just not right. Not even in Mexico. So forget about all this Michael Jackson fake sorrow. Do me a favor and tip a 40 tonight for Little Death and Espectrito because they are the real victims this week.

PS – If anything ever happens to me I’m begging that at least 3 Stoolies show up to my funeral wearing a wrestling mask.  Don’t tell people why you’re wearing it or what it means just go full suit with the mask.