The University of Kentucky‘s fire marshal, Greg Williamson, said Monday he has recommended that the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity house, the scene of an apparent prank involving fire early Saturday, be closed for the rest of this semester and through the next semester… after a fraternity member allegedly set fire to a friend who was wrapped in toilet paper, Williamson said… Sean P. Dunn, 19, of Hebron, was charged with first-degree arson, first-degree wanton endangerment and tampering with physical evidence after he allegedly struck a match, setting ablaze the toilet paper-wrapped victim. According to court records, the victim was engulfed in flames up to his shoulders; he fell to the floor and began rolling to extinguish the flames…Joseph Henry McKinley III, a resident of the SAE house, also was arrested and charged with third-degree assault for allegedly hitting a UK police officer and resisting arrest…UK police found McKinley, 20, of Owensboro, lying on a couch and pretending to be asleep in one of the rooms as they were doing a room-to-room check because of the fire. McKinley ignored the officers’ request to go to the lobby of the fraternity house. McKinley suddenly said “f— you” and began to swing his fist toward officers.

One of my few regrets in life is that I had to go to commuter school instead of live away at college.  The experience of being fully immersed in college life is something I knew I’d never be able to replace.  But one thing I don’t regret for a nanosecond missing out on joining a frat.  The timeless hilarity of “Animal House” aside, there’s no part of me that thinks I wouldve ever been tempted to pledge.  I mean, look at the smug looks on the faces of these two arrogant little pricks.  Now imagine that in order to have the honor and privilege of being their friend, you have to let them wrap you in toilet paper and set it ablaze.  Really? That’s all I have to do?  And then we’ll be frat buddies?!  Let the hilarity, the friendship and the 3rd degree burns begin!  And for what?  So you can go to parties, get drunk and get laid?  As I recall, even us commuters did those things and no teenage asswipe or puberty-bearded, Roman numeraled dink ever put me in the Shriner’s burn unit as my ticket in.

PS.  I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest this is the first hazing these guys ever did that didn’t involve something being stuck up the pledge’s butt crack.  Just a guess.