(NEWSER) – Will we soon see a “Save the Pubic Lice” campaign? The groin-dwelling insects, more commonly known as “crabs” because of their shape, are now basically an endangered species—and doctors think the popularity of bikini waxing may be to blame (er, thank). In Australia, no women have been seen with crabs at Sydney’s main sexual health clinic since 2008, and male cases have fallen 80% over the past 10 years. “Pubic grooming has led to a severe depletion of crab louse populations,” says a medical entomologist. “You can see an environmental disaster in the making for this species.”

Of course, no one’s really mourning the loss. Another medical entomologist notes that, in this case, “habitat destruction is a good thing.” So-called Brazilian waxes, in particular, are seen as contributing to the downfall of pubic lice, since nearly all the pubic hair—the habitat, in this case—is removed in that procedure. All in all, more than 80% of US college students remove some or all of their pubic hair these days, Bloomberg reports. It’s arguably a nicer way of dealing with the crabs problem, since the typical treatment is a topical insecticide.

 

Wax ‘em up ladies! It’s not just for the nice looks anymore. Now going in for that Brazilian wax is the difference between having crabs crawling around in your thong and living a carefree, lice-free life. I mean this basically settles the debate right? Every girl in America should be required by law to remove all of their pubic hair at least once a week. No stubble, no five o’clock shadow that makes it look like your vagina was up all night solving a mystery, no nothing. Just clean, bald boxes like the good lord intended.

Now I can already hear the hippy broads complaining and saying shit like “it’s my body and I can do what I want with it, blah blah blah.” I guess if you want to perpetuate the life of little bugs that bite nutsacks and clits for a living then be my guest. But under the new law you’ll have to live on an island, “The Colony” we’ll call it, along with all the other pube criminals. There you can not shave all day long and share crabs as much as your heart desires. But you won’t be allowed to live among civilized society until you head down to the spa and have an Asian lady wax your taint. It’s a matter of public health, ladies.