WisconsinA teacher is facing up to 186 years in jail after being accused of having sex with one of her 16-year-old students. Shannon Cardinal, who is in the process of getting divorced, is alleged to have travelled to the teen’s home out of state where they had sex when his parents were out. The teen told police they did not use any protection and wasn’t worried she would get pregnant as Cardinal ‘was kind of old’.The 43-year-old mother-of-three was the teen’s Spanish teacher [and] began exchanging texts with the boy after he enrolled in her class during the fall of 2011. The teen would spend his lunch hour with the teacher where they became closer. The teen told police the texts were about work, but later developed into deeper conversations. Court documents revealed that Cardinal would pick the boy up and drive to her home where they would have sex. Cardinal’s two year old daughter was present one on occasion they slept together.In March 2012 the 17-year-old moved to Iowa but the relationship continued. Cardinal traveled to meet the teen and had sex with him while the parents were out of town. The boy’s older sister became aware of the affair and told her parents.

Just when it had seemed that America had run out of Teacher Sex Scandals… when the world seemed to have become too complicated and fast-paced for the simple joys of a demented, horny mother of three boning a teenage student… along comes Shannon Cardinal.  Her love of the game was so strong she thought nothing of exposing her 2 year old to her insane lust or driving from Wisconsin to Iowa or staring at 186 years in jail in order to satisfy it.  It’s like I’ve always said:

Teachers will come Ray. They’ll come to Iowa for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up some kids’ parents’ driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at the door as innocent as children, longing for sex. They’ll drop their pants without even thinking about it: for it is vaginas they have, and penises they lack. And it’ll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The orgasms will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. Teachers will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been Teacher Sex. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But Sex Scandals have marked the time. It’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh… teachers will come Ray. Teachers will most definitely come.

Is this heaven?  No.  It’s Iowa.

The Grades:
Not one of the all time greats.  Not one you’ll skip out on a Celtics playoff game in order to go to your kids’ parent-teacher conference just so you can ogle her.  But by the standards of Wisconsin public school Spanish teachers, she’s muy caliente.  Grade: B-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: There’s no holes Shannon’s game.  Just a complete 5-tool player.  Effort.  High motor.  Texts.  Child neglect.  Driving hundreds of miles with gas north of $4/gallon.  You can’t coach that kind of heart.  Grade: A.
Intangibles: She’s “too old” to get pregnant at 43?  I hope they teach Spanish in Wisconsin better than they do biology.  Grade: A.
Overall: B. Way to get us back the Sex Scandal Teacher swing of things, Shannon.
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