PA – A teacher from Gettysburg faces felony charges after Northern York County Regional Police allege she had a sexual relationship with a student at the Paradise School for Boys located at West Canal Road in Paradise Township. Police arrested Kimberly Jo Larkin, 39… following a five-month investigation into reported sexual contact between her and a 16-year-old student at the school located just outside of Abbottstown… Larkin provided the male, according to police, alcoholic beverages and marijuana, in addition to having numerous consensual sexual encounters. In an interview with police, the male provided dates, locations and times where the meetings happened… According to a press release, “the male reported he engaged in sexual intercourse as well as performance of oral sex acts by the defendant at various locations including the defendants, car, the home of the defendant’s ex-spouse, and local motels and parking lots.”
This is one patriot who’s proud to know Gettysburg, PA is at long last joining the ranks of the other great American the Sex Scandal Teacher cities. We can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow that ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from those honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of Sex Scandals. And that an educational system of the horny teacher, by the horny teacher and for the horny teacher, will not perish from the Earth.
Looks: Ugh. I’m a fan of a high percentage of Gingers. But she’s Gary Busey in a wig. Only crazier looking. Grade: D.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: I give Kimberly Jo a lot of credit for her effort and hustle here. I like the drive and the passion required to do the kid in his car, in roach motels and in parking lots. But the thing that bothers me about this is this “home of the defendant’s ex-spouse” business. Somehow that diminishes it. It tells me she’s not the sex-crazed, uninhibited tramp I’d like her to be. She’s just another bigger shrew dragging a kid into her ex’s bed to get back at him for cheating on her or something. Granted, the kid’s penis doesn’t know the difference. But I do. Grade: C.
Intangibles: I’m almost positive that “Paradise School for Boys” was an 80 teen sex comedy. Grade: B+.
(Thanks to D’A. )
Depending on Barstool’s publishing schedule, join me next week or the week after for the annual Sex Scandal Teacher Starting Lineup. There were a ton of worthy candidates this year and I don’t look forward to the task of paring them down. But it’s a labor of love. If you come across any more in the meantime, send them along to firstname.lastname@example.org or Tweet me @jerrythornton1