(HuffPo) A McDonald’s patron in Springettsbury Township, Pa. was not lovin’ it when an employee gave him a cheeseburger instead of a hamburger on the morning of Nov. 30, according to the Smoking Gun. In a fit of cheese-induced rage, the customer knocked over a trashcan and threw a high chair across the restaurant before storming out. The employee says she followed him in an attempt to get his car’s registration number, but the man attacked her, grabbed her phone and chucked it across the parking lot before speeding away in his car.

I have never been more confident that the onus falls on the victim in a situation. This is one trillion percent the employees fault. She was begging to have the shit kicked out of her. Because when someone steps up to you and orders a hamburger then you know they’re an absolute psychopath. Not a sane human being in the world orders a plain hamburg meat sandwich. It’s lunatic fuel. So if someone comes up to your register and orders a hamburger then you prepare that thing like you’re a mob doctor operating on the Don. Gotta know that if you fuck up you’re as good as dead.

PS – the ultimate lunatic fuel is drinking anything except 1% milk. If you ever see whole or 2% in someone’s fridge you turn and run. “What kind of milk do you drink and do you like hamburgers?” should be the only question asked on a psych eval.