Have I Ever Told The Story Of The Time I Got Screwed By the Bruins In the Shootout Game?
So I saw that girl from the Blackhawks shootout game that Big Cat is dating now. It reminded me of an old story that I’m sure people don’t care about, but I’m gonna tell anyway. About 10 years ago I got picked to do the Bruins shootout in-between periods. My buddy actually worked for the B’s at the time and rigged it so I’d get picked.
In case you’ve never seen this contest two people line up on opposite blue lines and whoever gets the most pucks in the net in 30 second gets tickets to a future game and moves on to the next round. The grand prize was to fly with the Bruins to see them play in Montreal. Naturally I fucking dominated. I set the record for most goals in my first round victory. After I won I started machine gunning the crowd with my stick and fell down on the ice and broke my finger. They had to take me into the B’s locker room to get it all fixed up and shit. Made me sign something that said I wouldn’t sue too. From that day forward they always put the carpet on the ice so people wouldn’t fall. Anyway I won like 5 matchups after that and made it to the finals.
Fast forward to the Finals. Everybody in the locker room basically conceded the title to me because I was that dominant in the prelims. I went last because I obviously had the highest score. Now for some reason in the finals the Bruins did away with having people shoot on opposite ends of the rink. All five finalists were on one end. Unfortunately they lined the pucks up to the right side of the carpet for a righty shooter. I’m a lefty. So when my turn came up I was trying to rearrange the pucks to the other side. The crowd started lustily booing me and next thing I know they started the clock on my ass. Long story short I just had a clump of pucks sitting on the wrong side. Despite the booing and the clumped pucks I still put on a performance that can only be described as heroric losing by only 2 goals. And from that day forward in hushed corners of the TD Garden whenever people talk about greatest screwjob the building has ever seen they all say it was the day Davey Pageviews had clumped pucks. True story.
F Blog
well with all your internet dollars you can now fly to Montreal whenever you want.
But you called Uncle Shlomo and sued anyway.
I’m pretty sure not one thing you said was true. And by pretty sure I mean, fucking obviously.
How did your nose not break the fall and protect your finger?
this blog would be 10 times better if it included a video of me balls deep in her… damn, she is fine… looks like a much hotter JWow in the 2nd pic…
That was actually a good story. A-.
why did i waste so much time reading that hogshit story? oh and i think you have a penis on your face.
Can a blog be both an A+ and an F at the same time? If so I think this might be the one
youve definetly never been to a hockey game. even if they were giving you free shit jew
Nobody out-jew’s Jeremy Jacobs
It’s not a lie, if you believe it.
B+ blog
wow, what a life you’ve lived…
You deserve another shot.
and then u woke up?
I could totally see you doin the prep school face when people started booing you
Dave, all people need to read is the first paragraph to know you completely deserved it. “My buddy actually worked for the B’s at the time and rigged it so I’d get picked.” So what you’re saying is you never should’ve been in it in the first place?
i was booing you. you got a slow handle bro.
these nose jokes are embarrassingly unoriginal…jew jokes are still on point though
The people saying I made this up are more demented than me. Who would ever make this up? I still got the scar on my finger from when I fell
I like stories.
“F Blog” makes this an A blog
picture of the scar or it didn’t happen…and vivid detail about how you ended up with a scar by falling onto ice
Let’s see, the chick at the Blackhawks game happened, what, 2 – 3 days ago, and Pres’s brain is just now catching up with it. Senility coming on a little early don’t you think Pres?
She’s dating Big Cat? So she has low self esteem, hates her pussy and doesn’t mind a guy living in their parents basement. She’s a keeper!
Pres was a decent high school baseball player on a very good team. He did not play hockey or football . He wasn’t a very good athlete but somehow could swing the bat a little. I’m not sure he was a good enough athlete to win this puck shooting tournament. That is all…….
Prez – you played Freshmen football until your senior year of high school. They let you on the team your senior year because they had to or else you would cry Ant-Semite. I am so sick of hearing how great of an athlete you are. Get over yourself.
When you say that BigCat is dating her, you mean stalking her, right?
Would have been quicker to move the carpet to the other side numb nut.
smitty1320 makes a pretty strong point about the ice/scar.
If Big Cat is dating this chick I may drink a bottle of bleach and call it a life.
Lie
otwisted–Big Cat unilaterally decided that he was going to internet date her. So yes, skoods is right.
The Bruins people definitely asked you if you were a righty or lefty and you thought they meant which hand you write with…
why didn’t you just step off the fucking carpet and shoot lefty?
I almost laughed at this.
rule #76- no excuses, play like a champion.
the harder thing to believe about this entire story is the fact that you knew that you were a lefty you dumb unathletic butt plug
Renee just rusty tromboned me.
I broke my finger bowling at a birthday party when I was little. The kids’ parents were too fucking cheap to rent shoes for us. Bowling in socks I slipped or the ball got stuck and my finger was smashed between the ball and the floor. Went and got it X-rayed and the docto…. Wait. It’s story time, right?
Stories are good