schlongoria

So any hot girl with a facebook account would know exactly what I’m going to talk about right now. Creepy ass fucking psychos emailing you pictures of their cock and telling you how much they want you to sit on their face and gargle their balls. Seriously, I must have a hundred dick pictures in my email. It’s like guys think looking at a cock makes me want to rip my fucking pants off and play DJ on myself. Listen asshole, that shit doesn’t do it for me. Or any girl for that matter. If I wanted to see gross ass dicks I would spend my entire fucking day on Chat Roulette.

Anyways, few years back, Evan Longoria was just a puny little MVP of the Cape League, no big deal. Okay kind of a big deal. He spotted my facebook account via internet stalking and started talking to me, probably in hopes that when he visited the Cape he would have a girl ready to cram meats with and lick his asshole and shit like that. Well clearly he knows how to get me all hot and bothered because he sent me a picture of his ultra white glow in the dark dick. (Ladies or gay guys feel free to check it out. Obviously NSFW) Perfect. Just what I’ve always wanted. Unfortunately, the email chain isn’t as entertaining as I would like it to be, it would make for a way better story. In fact, the only words included in the email are, “Like that babe?” I had completely forgotten about the whole thing until we were in the office the other day talking about dick pictures and I mentioned that I still had it. It’s not exciting to me, a dick is a fucking dick. Pres went insane about it and was dying to see it and giggle like a little girl. Well here it is. And take that Schlongoria for burning this beacon of shit into my brain. And that goes for anyone else sending me pictures of their dick too. Next person who sends me a picture of their dick is going to get their face plastered all over BSS because that’s just how I roll so knock it the fuck off.