(BizInsider) — One of Hong Kong’s wealthiest men has placed a “marriage bounty” on his lesbian daughter’s head, offering nearly £40 million to the man who successfully woos her. Property magnate Cecil Chao Sze-tsung announced the HK$500 million reward this week after reports that his 33-year-old daughter Gigi Chao, a University of Manchester graduate, had married her long-term female partner in France. “I don’t mind whether he is rich or poor. The important thing is that he is generous and kind-hearted,” Mr Chao told the South China Morning Post, describing reports about his daughter’s marriage as “false.”
One ticket to Hong Kong, please! This is why anyone who thinks money doesn’t buy happiness is a fucking moron. Money buys everything. It can get you food and clothes and gadgets and cars and thousands of male suitors for your lesbian daughter. Seriously it must suck to be poor with a lesbian daughter, scissoring all over the projects and shit. Meanwhile Gigi Chao’s house is going to end up looking like Penelope’s in The Odyssey. Men from far and wide camping out just hoping to wife her up. She’ll probably have a husband by the end of business today. I mean I know I have no chance but I’d be a fool not to try. Like Gretzky said, when it comes to seducing the lesbian daughters of rich Chinese businessmen for 65 million bucks, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Figure that should be enough to at least get a conversation going. That’s a foot in the door. From there my wit and charm should win out and we’ll be looking at Barstool Hong Kong in no time.
UPDATE: for a billionaire Gigi Chao really isn’t very private on social media. Only has 116 followers, she’s absolutely going to see this. Gotta be a yes, I look hot as fuck in a dress.