NYDailyNews – A Maine pizza delivery guy said alleged “Zumba madam” Alexis Wright once tried to seduce him by shedding her bath towel in front of him and then giving him a 400% tip, according to court testimony. Dan Racaniello, the manager of Topping Pizza in Kennebunk, testified in court Thursday that the accused madam – whose dance studio was next to his parlor — once met him at the door of her apartment wearing only a towel after he arrived to deliver an order of spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. Wright, still wet from a shower, invited him inside and then dropped her towel while fishing through her purse, Racaniello recounted. “She was standing there in front of me naked,” Racaniello testified, according to the Bangor Daily News. “I looked away, and when I looked back, she was still standing there naked. It was awkward.” Racaniello said he didn’t take the bait, but before he left, Wright gave him $40 for the $8 order and told him to keep the change.

 
This story kills me. Dude, ARE YOU SERIOUS!? The pizza delivery boy/hot naked slut scenario is the fucking apotheosis of porn scenarios. Every guy on earth wants something like this to happen to them. Ring the bell and who should answer? Oh it’s just a dripping wet bitch wearing nothing but a towel who invites you in. And then whoops, look at that, her towel fell off. How clumsy! Now you have a naked woman in front of you, begging for cock, and what do you do? You leave!??? Oh my god bro I hate you. I hate you so much. From here on out in your life, you won’t be able to fuck up bigger than you did that night. It’s impossible. You could be drunk driving around and mow down a kindergarten class crossing the street and the cop will be like, “Well at least it’s not as bad as that time you were delivering spaghetti and passed up sex with the Zumba chick.” Biggest whore in town literally puts her pussy in your hand and you walk away. Unbelievable.

Honest to god, in all my years on this earth I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone be so ungrateful for something. Basically just spitting in god’s eyeball.