(HuffPo) - A Florida hunter accidentally shot his girlfriend thinking that she was his target — a wild hog. Cops said that Brandon man Steven Egan, 52, was hunting from a tent in Flagler County on Saturday when Egan heard a noise that he thought was similar to that of his prey. He took a shot at it, not realizing his significant other wasn’t in the tent with him, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

This should be a law, right? If you can conceivably be mistaken for a wild hog, then you can be shot. It’s so simple that I really don’t understand how it isn’t. Like I’m not saying that all fat girls should be lined up and shot by a firing squad. But if you’re a big girl and you go take a piss in the woods, you should be damn sure not to rustle any leaves. Slap all the lipstick on that pig you want, I’m still gonna shoot. I’m definitely adding that to my presidential platform for when I decide to run: 1. build completely new highway system exclusively for 18 wheelers because I hate being next to them, 2. every girl buying skimpy clothing must first face an American Idol-esque panel of judges grading her outfit before she finishes the transaction, and 3. if it’s not totally crazy that you’d be mistaken for a wild beast then you can be shot. Feitelberg 2024: No Fat Girls.

PS – if you plan on staying together, and that’s the vibe I’m getting from this article, how do you admit you thought she was a hog? Kind of idiotic, no? She’ll never, ever let that go. “No honey I didn’t think you were a hog. I thought you were some beautiful mythical nymph of the woods, not a hog. Definitely, definitely didn’t think you were a hog.”