CT – An 87-year-old Connecticut man who drove the wrong way on the Massachusetts Turnpike for almost 11 miles before police stopped him was not cited but may lose his license. Thaddeus Satkowski, 87, of Staffordville, Conn., got on at Exit 10 of the Mass. Pike in Auburn late on Sunday night and drove east in the westbound lanes, in the shoulder next to the high-speed lane. Massachusetts State Police say they got several calls about a wrong-way driver and eventually stooped him in Grafton. A trooper drove east parallel to the wrong-way driver until he was able to get his attention, reports The Telegram & Gazette. Police say Satkowski was not cited, but state police have contacted the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles to have his license revoked. A spokesman for the Connecticut Department of Motor Vehicles said Satkowski had a valid Connecticut driver’s license and no prior violations or citations on his driving record.

 

Normally I’d make fun of this old guy for being old and sucking at driving. I’d be like “Why is he still behind the wheel? He’s a danger to us all! How can you fuck up this badly? Won’t somebody please think of the children!” But I’m not gonna do that because for whatever reason I’m flat out impressed by this. I see it as an accomplishment. It’s a very hard thing to drive 11 miles into oncoming traffic on a major highway and not die. And this geezer pulled it off like it was a piece of crumb cake. Probably got pissed at the cops for making him late to wherever he was going too. Like I’m on a road officer, what’s the difference? Can I go? Matlock is about to start.

PS – Cue the funniest “driving in the wrong direction” scene in movie history.