China – With just ten days to go before the Mayan apocalypse supposedly spells the end of the world, many believers may be looking for ways to dodge doomsday. But one farmer in China believes he is ready for any eventuality after building seven emergency survival pods. Liu Qiyuan created the fibreglass shells – dubbed Noah’s Ark – after being inspired by the apocalyptic Hollywood movie 2012. Building them around a steel frame in a yard at his home in the village of Qiantun, Hebei province, south of Beijing, he says the pods can offer life-saving shelter during natural disasters such as tsunamis and hurricanes. The pods are able to float on water and some of have their own propulsion. The airtight spheres with varying interiors contain oxygen tanks and seatbelts with space for around 14 people, and are designed to remain upright when in water.
I’ve pretty much never wanted to make fun of something more than I want to make fun of these Chinese Apocalypse balls right now but mother fucker, I just can’t. I can’t do it. Bottom line is that they’re fucking sweet ass Apocalypse balls. Best I’ve ever seen. No other way to say it. If I’m investing in any sort of doomsday vehicle to ride out Armageddon than it’s these things by a long shot. They’re practical. Float upright. Seat 14 people. Seem sturdy. And for some reason I feel like floating around a tsunami inside a giant pod would be the tits. Just bring all your buddies and plenty off booze and have a ball (get it?) So again, my first instinct is to make fun of a man building giant fiberglass orbs to live in during the end of the world but I just can’t bring myself to do it. These Apocalypse balls are white hot flames.
PS – That other dude’s Mayan Apocalypse ark just go its dick kicked inside out.