So we did a little Tier 1 Special Forces fantasy draft at the Stool. Pick the top 2 guys you’d want to go to war with. Here are the results. I ranked them in order of who I thought was best. I’d say I had the best draft naturally.
#10 Derrick Rose (Neil)
Someone like D-Rose is about as rare as you can find in any professional setting. He’s a dominant force yet he keeps everyone involved. He’s a strong, natural leader yet he’s known to be quiet and well-calculated. He’s a man with every reason in the world to gloat and boast yet deep down he knows none of it will do any good because winners are made with actions and winning is all he cares about. He’s an enigma. And he’s the exact prototype of the individual that will fight to his dying day for the people fighting alongside him. Great performer, even better teammate.
#9 Kevin Durant (Mo)
Pure shooter. Everybody’s dead. Never mind the fact that KD only weighs 80 pounds and would be impossible to hit on the run, the man is a keep his head down, grind it out type of guy. No rah rah or inspirational speeches necessary. Just skinny sniper precision from the moment he steps on foreign soil.
#8 Mike Tyson (Neil)
When it comes down to it, every team of highly trained specialists needs that “crazy guy”. The loose cannon. The one who gets that look in his eye and everyone else knows that they better get out of the way because he’s about to explode. The guy who gets tribal tattoos on his face and whose hooks and uppercuts are known as “murder bombs” because they’re as dangerous as any weapon. And amongst athletes’, that guy is Mike Tyson. Plain and simple Iron Mike strikes fear in the heart of every human being alive. You know how people say “I wouldn’t want to see him in a dark alley late at night”? Well that whole saying is the epitome of who Mike Tyson is. Who he is gives way not only to physical superiority but mental dominance as well. Get a guy like that on your side and his presence alone already has you a leg up on the competition.
#7 Tim Tebow (kmarko)
Not sure there’s ever been a bigger no brainer in history than picking Tebow #1 overall for your Special Forces Squad. I mean it just doesn’t get any more obvious. What do you need the most in your best soldier? Toughness. Grit. Desire. Dedication. Tebow has all of those in spades. One of the hardest working guys in sports if not the hardest working. First one in the gym, last one to leave. First one at practice, last one to leave. Led a crap team to a playoff win on 100% determination and 0% actual talent. Just give him the ball and he’ll run it down your throat with no regard for his body. Ok so if you need him to toss a grenade it’s going to take him an extra 2 seconds to deliver it with an elongated motion and sail 10 feet over the enemy’s head and wide. Minor shortcoming, just have somebody else on the squad throw it. Hell knowing Tebow he’ll probably just pull the plug and run it over there himself. And what’s the number 1 X factor? God obviously. Bro loves God and God loves him. Think you’re getting your location hit by snipers or surprised by a bomb with the Big Man on your side? Could probably just walk around the battlefield with no armor on while you watch the bullets stop in midair or whizz around you because you got Tebow protection. Like I said no brainer.
#6 Ron Artest (Kmarko)
Now I know what you’re thinking. Tebow is kind of a “good boy.” Kind of too nice at times, not willing to do anything a little bit dirty or something people not like and agree with. Well obvious solution is adding Ron Artest aka Metta World Peace to the mix. Probably the exact opposite. Just the definition of a loose cannon when it comes to physical safety, but as we’ve seen with the right coaching/oversight in can be harnessed onto the court. That’s what we need. A maniac just looking to annihilate whoever is in his path. The guy played in pickup games where the opposing players were stabbed to death with table legs. He’s fist-fought fans who threw beer at him. Don’t think he’ll have a problem getting a little violent.
#5 Michael Vick (Mo)
What do you want when you’re looking for a Tier 1 military partner? You don’t want some green kid whose gonna puke as soon as he sees his first dead body, no. You want a partner whose been there. Somebody who has seen the worst of what the world has to offer, chewed it up, and spit it back in God’s face. That’s who I’m looking for. A man who will have my back when all the chips are down and do WHATEVER IT TAKES to ensure he keeps his freedom. Sure he may fumble his weapon every few steps, but when the shit goes down and you need a guy quick enough to find cover when the bullets are bullets flying — there’s no one better.
#4 Larry Bird (Pres)
Here is the thing about being in the special forces. You know at some point you are going to have your back against the wall. You’re going to be taking enemy fire. The smell of death is going to be in the air. All hope is going to seemingly be lost. And it’s at that precise moment when things are at their absolute worst when you need somebody with ice water in their veins. Somebody who can’t be rattled. Who is impervious to pressure. Somebody who can steal victory from the jaws of defeat. Somebody who when the bullets are flying can light up a cigarette, keep steady aim, put the #1 finger in the air and calmly and cooly snipe everything in his path. I don’t care how old he is now. That man is Larry Legend.
#3 KG (KFC)
If I’m on the front lines and I’m captain of my own Special Forces team my number 1 overall pick is an absolute no brainer. Kevin Garnett. I absolutely hate the guy with all of my heart on the basketball court, but guess what? We ain’t on the hardwood. We’re in a fox hole together. And plain and simple Kevin Garnett lives every moment of his entire life like he’s at war. Dude wakes up for church on Sunday morning and he’s loadin up the pump. He’s loadin’ up the Uzi. He’s got a couple M-16s, couple nines, got a couple joints with some silencers on ‘em. He’s just loadin up clips. Got a couple grenades, couple missile launchers, with, you know, a couple missiles. He’s ready for war. Most intense guy on the planet earth. Fighting side by side with him I think we could take down Al Qaeda on our own. Anything is possible
#2 Ray Lewis.(KFC)
An absolute monster of a human. 6 foot 1, 250 pounds with his head always on a swivel to kill someone. I ain’t even speaking in sports metaphors there. Dude is down to kill people. More importantly I’m taking Ray on my team for his intangibles. I’ll be perfectly honest, I’m a complete nancy boy. I’d be like that wuss from Saving Private Ryan who just hides while all his brothers are getting killed in action. But give me a pre-mission speech from Ray Lewis and I’d turn into the Bear Jew from Inglorious Basterds. If Ray Lewis can get me fired up for a freaking Loyola lacrosse match he’d have me pumped to storm a splinter cell, guns blazing ready to go down for my brothers in arms.
#1 Pat Tillman (Pres)
Out of respect how can you not have Pat Tillman being #1 on this list? While everybody else is hypothetical Pat Tillman is real. The only guy who gave away a million dollar pro football career to serve his country. He is everything that being in a Tier 1 special forces is about. And Bill Belichick knew it.