I’m Switching Teams
Yesterday an angel appeared. I heard the song “what if god was one of us” playing in my head as I saw him for the first time. Feitelberg. In the flesh… he walked out to the street where I had been waiting for my interview, gave me a weird look and then went back inside without saying a word. I gave him a chance and a flirty wave and he slammed me down. Needless to say my heart was broken—but I’m not one to quit. Prince Charming (Sales Guy) finally let into the office, I was immediately aroused and tempted to ask if I could use the bathroom to spank my act together. I found myself surrounded in a glowingly raunchy office by Skoal tins, pictures of half naked broads, and super-soakers…I felt at home. There was even a little table I could see myself making the boys sandwiches on.
Feitelberg is so yesterday. As much as his alluring looks melt me, I’m a personality gal. So clearly Pres is spot on when he says I’ve switched teams, BUT he is wrong regarding the team I’m on. Team Sales Guy forever. I’m forever grateful to him for his kindness, firm no-nonsense handshake and direct eye contact, (he even offered me some water). Basically he is a fucking machine. That’s right Paul; it’s all you baby.
Pres told me people would tear me to pieces and I told him how excited I was to see what the Stoolies had but so far you guys have been pretty weak; if you’re gonna come at me bro, I want a hardcore smackdown not some pansyass comments on my appearance. Come on now, you think I haven’t heard that shit already? Hardly original saying you want to tonguepunch my farthole. I take that shit as a compliment douchelords.
So hear me out, I’m here and I’m here to stay. I’ve been warned that everyone I’ve ever hooked up with will “come crawling out of the woodwork” and Pres’ not too off base. I’ve gotten A LOT of texts asking how I’m doing and if I want to come over and catch up… Sales Guy, I guess they just don’t understand we’re nearly official. Next, people saying I have STD’s that aren’t invented are correct. I’ll start that rumor for myself. I have invented cum-lydia, fuck-my-face-illis, and spank-my-ass-I-like-it-rough-orreah; all awesome diseases that are highly contagious. The side affects include; explosive ejaculation, boner-izing in inappropriate places, and chronic horniness. The only prescription. More Cowbell.
Thank you and Good day Stoolies.
XoX
who the fuck is gracie?
limit your posts to a paragraph and show us your tits
Show us your face…. Who the fuck are you btw?
what the fuck
that was just awful
you sound like a filthy whore, do I grab a deli ticket number to bang you or what?
interesting that she thinks THIS is the kind of article that will be able to convince people to read her shit. I very much doubt her ranking the attractiveness of the male writers is going to do much for anyone. But everyone, come see how cool she is… she’s willing to make sandwiches!! Get it??
yea, who the fuck is gracie?
wow im not even saying this to rundown the new girl intern (which is what i normally do)
this is fucking awful
Sales guy looks like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia in that photo. At the end of the movie.
That’s my dogs name. Go fetch something. Get out of my life and shut up!
How come Pres routinely forgets the golden rule of blogging… chicks aren’t funny.
bad opener grace, no need to be such a hardo
Meh. Too forced.
I want to hate her more than I did the other day, but now I want to fuck/punch her.
live video stream of you killing yourself is the only blog worth checking out with your name on it.
the fuck was the purpose of this nonsense?
“ want to tonguepunch my farthole. I take that shit as a compliment douchelords”, that was just awful and is an example of why girls are not funny, try way too hard i hope you die soon you cunt
Also, after reading the headline of this blog I was 99.999% sure that Pres had written it.
This is why Sales Guy shouldn’t write blogs
Today is the day I switch to the chive
Was wondering which staff d-bag had to write this. Really hope we don’t have to put up with these “posts” all spring/summer.
You’re not very funny… though it does seem like you want to get face-fucked, which is admittedly cool. But don’t expect me to ever respect you or contact you except between the hours of 1am and 4am.
That was awful. Not even trying to be mean, its just a fact. Barely made it through that last paragraph.
if there is ever another blog by this piece of trailer trash without a picture showing some skin I will never read barstool again.
as long as she wears those fuck-me-boots and is down with some poolside boners she can contact me anytime of day, or even a hump and dump
That was fucking awful, I havent cringed that hard since I came ohome early and found my parents in a sex swing
Gracie… don’t make me start reading Mo’s blogs on Barstool BET.
Listen toots, its a common known fact that chicks aren’t funny so stop with this nonsense. Nobody wants to read the latest entry into your diary.
yeesh. that was really bad. like really, really bad.
Unless you’re texting me pictures of you fingering your asshole, I don’t give a shit what you have to say. Seriously. Why do I care which coworker you like more? You should have just went with an interesting story to blog about and make it funny. Instead, you think we care about your personal life… This is what guys HATE the most! Listening to chicks talk about their job… I get that from my bitchy wife. I come to barstool to hear about sports, bash dumb bitches, and get a slight chub guessing asses.
Proof that girls aren’t funny or witty.
Oh, way to play the “comments were weak” card. Let’s be real, you probably went home after the interview, saw that hook you call a nose in the mirror, smashed every every single one in your parents’ house/dorm, and attempted to slash your wrists with the broken pieces. Females are just plain unfunny, facts.
‘douchelords’ is probably the least funny thing i’ve ever heard…having said that i was still hard as a rock through the entire post..
you can’t knock her for trying. she knows she’s not funny… we know she’s not funny… and pres knows she’s not funny. so do what u were hired to do and just get naked
NEXT
Give Thorton the clap and all is forgiven
what the fuck was this shit? fucking awful. nothing about that was anything close to being readable
that was by far the funniest thing i have read on this website…..great job gracie….call me.
classic… the one guy who claims that wasn’t terrible is the one who thinks he can fuck her.
Whichever clown at barstool is banging her owes us one for having to read this.
Im assuming she’s ball gagged at the office so they dont have to hear this shit.
saying that was the least funny thing i’ve ever read would be a slap in the face to the last person i said that to.
Tits or GTFO. No one cares what you have to say.
Mmm. I think I need a Gracie GTA and I needed it yesterday. Why so much hate guys? What’s not to like about dirty and horny. The invented diseases part was hot.
Girls aren’t fucking funny, why the fuck does no one get this? The only women who are even remotely on point are only funny because they rip themselves for being whores and taking too much dick, and they’re still not funny. Do us a favor toots, keep fucking the ugly salesguy and shut the fuck up, we didn’t hire you to write, we hired you to fuck like a champion because, let’s face it, how the fuck else are feits and salesdouche gonna get laid? they’re faces would make a small child cry. Seriously though shut the fuck up. You make me miss Manzo.
Pres, what’s your criteria for working for the stool? This shit is a fuckin joke. We all come to the stool to get away from dumb bitches telling us about their day.
your trying to hard to be funny gracie, and its not working ..your hot, whoopedy fucking doo .. be funny
Over/under on the number of comments that use the word “awful” to describe this garbage? 75?
more face fuck please
LOL, there’s a reason there are only like 2 female comedians…
Less talk about what guys you think are hot and more pics of your turd cutter. The stoolies demand it!
When does it officially turn from hate fucking to rape? Really want to cross that line with you. Whore.
Gracie, here’s the thing, don’t force what you think guys want to read. It comes off as you simply trying way too hard to be funny and make a connection with the readers that simply isnt there. I think a more natural approach, maybe a fashion blog for the gays would suit you best. Having said that, show me ya tits.
Trying too hard. Less organic than JWow
Honestly I do not give two shits about which bloggers are good looking. You are a disgusting cum dumpster for STD ridden hockey players and after reading this post I will simply scroll over any other posts you may have. It was forced and not appealing to mine or any stoolie interests.
PS: wouldn’t fuck you with three condoms on
jesus. pres please tell me this is some elaborate aprils fools thing.
“glowingly raunchy office by Skoal tins, pictures of half naked broads, and super soakers…I felt at home. There was even a little table I could see myself making the boys sandwiches on.”
“I have invented cum-lydia, fuck-my-face-illis, and spank-my-ass-I-like-it-rough-orreah; all awesome diseases that are highly contagious. The side affects include; explosive ejaculation, boner-izing in inappropriate places, and chronic horniness. The only prescription. More Cowbell.”
stop trying so hard. you want to be a “cool girl thats one of the bros”. here’s a tip, be hot, don’t get offended by anything you hear, don’t talk and CERTAINLY don’t try to be funny.
The first few lines had me, they were just so fn horrible i had to see what the shit the rest of the novel was about…it did not dissappoint to be the worst piece of shit ever posted on here. Manzo excluded
Watch the latest south park and follow the HSN guys example.
Holy trying too hard. And judging from the length, she’s clearly on Jerry’s team.
Great, just what this world needs; yet another pair of slightly better than average tits with an opinion and a mouth. You want to make a difference do ya? Want to go do something worthwhile and be respected? Go undercover and infiltrate some feminist organizations. Then rip them apart to us at the Stool and vilify women’s rights once and for all. And when you’re done with that, do what you were put on this earth to do… Get your ass in that kitchen and make me a fuckin sandwich!
Cause I should have known, right from the start
I’m deleting you right from my heart
Yeah it’s over, my last move is to unfriend you
I would rather listen to Dane Cook on and endless loo[ than ever read anything from you again.
This chick’s blog post is the equivalent of k1dd0′s comments.
Rambling nonsense that makes everyone want to punch their own dick.
Dad must be proud.
Dad must not be in her life, that’s why she’s writing like this.
Kris10 is hotter and funniest. NEXT.
I came at Douchelords. DAMMIT! And as a long time drummer, I totally respect more cowbell.
The only thing that would be funny is when I pull a Christian Bale and hang you in my closet like the hooker you are.
love this chicks witty banter so far….I would totally tongue punch her farthole, or any hole that she would like me to for that matter. Sales guy’s a pussy #teamgracie
Gracie if you’re keeping score, please add more to the You are painfully unfunny column.
Pres, what the fuck is this shit? You hate menounos for the “I don’t think of myself as a hot chick, I’m just one of the guys” bullshit. The stoolies want funny guys that they don’t have to look at and hot chicks that they don’t have to listen to. All the shitty girl blogs and pictures of assholes in starfish clothes are taking this in the wrong direction.
kickthepuppy’s idea is actually pretty good, if you could manage to infiltrate knockout barstool and bring us some of their feminist nonsense you would actually be useful.
Whoever said that this made them miss Manzo is probably the biggest diss in Barstool history. Why the fuck do you need to be such a whore. Being a whore is not funny and actually really sad, guys don’t like cum dumpsters. You need to take a ride in Kay’s van, or I will potato sack you myself and bring you to my rape dungeon.
I thought this was Pres’s post until I saw the comments.
wow that was very unfunny. and you are trying wayyy too hard. go play in traffic
hahaha alphapsi “You should kill yourself.”
Sharpen whatever desk your sitting at and slit your wrists. P.S. where’s Mike Felger defending you and trying to bang you. Is he going to copy and paste my posts again.
Great piece of fiction. Did you write Hunger Games?
He offered you some water? “spank my act together”… “spank-my-ass-I-like-it-rough-orreah” If you forced it any harder you would be arrested for rape
I kept waiting for the good part and then it just ended… wait, thats first lady’s line
One more thing. Gracie, don’t pride yourself on the fact that the comments are tough but you can take it attitude. You need to focus less on taking the criticism and more on taking the advice. Shut up, you are not funny. Nobody wants to hear about your take on what’s up at barstool. A couple days ago I offered to lick your asshole and I’m sorry to say I’m rescinding that offer after reading this garbage. The next time you feel the need to open your mouth, just remember to swallow when you’re done. I’m starting KOGracie to put a stop to this Unfunny Culture that is being supported here. Who’s with me?
NOBODY cares what you think / have on your mind. This website blows, the ONLY reason she should ever be on here is when she decides to show some tits / ass / fingering her asshole pics or vids…
Portnoy, you suck buddy, really
FREEEEDOOOOMMM!!!
pres, what the fuck i hope you’re actually readin this shit…. who the fuck wants to read about this smelly little cunts office crushes???
i honestly believe you want another jenna marbles to leave you crying like a fucking faggot… she’s tryin WAYYY too hard with “spank my act together” “skoal tins….super soakers…i found myself at home” gimme a fucking break… honestly all you guys should just give her the ol’ ”casting couch” sneakaroo paint her face in fist gravey and leave her on the side of whatever southie street you bean town dirtbags schlep your lumpy asses on….
like if you a want a ruthless asshole with half ass talent and a pair of tits(of the male varital) hit me up
but you’re flushing the stool down the shitter (pun intended) to enjoy a half chub while you’re watching this c u next tuesday clean up your shit…you needed a maid not a shittier female version of kmarko
Why are women being hired again? I thought barstool was “by the common MAN, for the common MAN”… Bring back jenna at least she was hot
This blog just put women’s right back to the 19th century
I fucking hate dumb cunts.
KO Kacee, yes! Portnoy, just post pics of chick and repost vids you find elsewhere and let Jerry chime in from time to time with some sports. that’s all this shit website was ever good at, everything else is garbage. also, make a different website for all your gay FOAM party shit, nobody cares except for douchebags like this cunt.
just give her the keys to Stoolala, let her reach her target audience of annoying chicks who think anything is funny, and she can be another unfunny youtube sensation. you male BSS bloggers already strikeout often enough, no need to add a female #9 hitter batting .024 in single A. Please stop letting broads blog on here, it has never worked and never will. they just arent funny.
“farthole”? it’s tonguepunch your fartBOX, get it right you dumb slut. that was dreadful.
You are irrelevant until you show us some NSFW photos.
That was the most brutal thing I’ve ever read….GIRLS ARE NOT FUNNY IT’S SCIENCE…Prez I see why you hire broads but don’t let them blog , let them makes videos or something and pray they won’t bail on u if other broads find them funny…Gracie not so hot right now, Gracie
Hey cunt u should be fired on the grounds of actually being attracted to feitleberg and sales guy. Eat a dick and die
Prez your pissing me off bro…u Blogged about Maria menous or whatever the fuck her name is trying way to hard to fit in and be like a dude bit “with tits” and then u let this shit happen…what’s going on in that peabrain mind of yours? Maybe it’s to get KO barstool of your back showing some love for woman and maybe shell blog about a rape joke or something … YA KILLIN ME SMALLS
Here to stay whatever stay the fuck off the blog..no body cares who gets you wet unless its one of us. F- blog, failed out of blogology straight up
bahaha scottbaio….. KO GRACIE!!!
oh god, at least my boss will be happy because I dont want to read the stool anymore
hey when does the rich entitled kid from stonehenge get his job??
BRING BACK MANZO!
I don’t want to sound like a broken record, and I’m not even trying to be mean, but that was so forced. We get it, you’re a big slut and just one of the guys hehehehehe. you fucking blow
Relax, she’s only one or two “I spit out my coffee and wasn’t drinking any”, “straight fire”, “Hardo”, etc, etc, etc, comments from being a solid BSS smut blogger. Don’t judge things on one post. Only thing is, she has just days to show some skin or it’s over.
Does that mean your into farthole tonguepunching?
jesus christ. terrible on all levels. chicks are not funny, ever. the fishing for comments/pageviews is working, but goddamn that is some horrible writing
ugh not good. il give her another shot but that really was tough to get through
You were hired because you were hot, but you post pics of 2 dudes?
Anyone else feel like they just tried to eat garbage then immediately yacked all over their computer?
That was really funny, I think you did a really great job with the blog. Just kidding, eat a fat shit and jump off a bridge.
and the fact that “spank-my-ass-I-like-it-rough-orreah” didnt turn into an Olivia Munn joke, means you have no fucking chance
but keep talking about what a whore you are, its really funny material. Sarah Silverman and Whitney Cummmmings kind of paved the way for you with that one though
gracie, your parents must be proud.
not tryin to be mean but that was fuckin horrendous
Sales guy you fucking savage. Fuck her on Portnoys desk for me. Use the swil from all those empty ice coffees as lube.
god awful
A little more this (.)(.) & this (_o_) Gracie.
Their gna love ya, Gracie. If you ever need a penis for your face, im ur huckleberry. Real talk.
Sales guy definitely just came in waves. Get it Sales Guy! Get it!
havnt been on the stool in a few weeks, and i come back to find this shit, what the fuck happened? get your ship in order pres!!
This is just one more deal that sales guy isn’t gonna close. Hey sales guy, this is a lay up. Walk over to her and tell her to spread ‘em. If she doesn’t, come back and tell Us how much of a bitch she is for running her mouth. If she does spread ‘em for you, come back and tell us what her cunt looks/smells like.
Cranston or GTFO
I hope she finds a lump on her breast.
So it seems you made a great 1st impression with the Stoolies Gracie. I can tell – this is actually high praise from this crowd. Now can we please get some T and/or A shots? Please?
if i was your dad i would murder/suicide the shit out of you
I want to watch sales guy fucking her while she writes a blog, then kill myself.
Gracie’s mom: Hi honey, how was your first day at Barstool?
Gracie: Kinda rough mom. A bunch of guys hate me, want to punch me in the face and then rape me. Have you ever heard anything so bad?
Gracie’s mom: Not since the night you were conceived
For those of you that wanted to know more about gracie. I can assume this is her.
http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/reader-email-this-chick-hates-ko-barstool-wants-to-fuck-feitlberg-and-write-for-us-what-do-the-stoolies-think/
https://www.facebook.com/gracie.clarke
Can we trade this chick and fietleberg for Kmarko
What a hardo. Shut up cunt
scottbaio is on fucking fire
K, 1. douchelord is a good one. 2. Sales guy’s name is paul? I wish I didnt know that. and 3. She’s trying too hard, but she’s very close to fitting in here. And like, I get youre a whore. Its cool. But chill
Long on words. Short on boobs.
Awful, pathetic desperate attempt to be “cool” with the lame sandwich making- just another want to be Maria Menounos
@PeytonSucksBalls, what a Hardo, shut the fuck up you cunt.
Oh look, another co-ed twit that tries to solve her desperate need for attention and related daddy issues by trying to act like a guy. It’s simple, sweetheart. Nobody thinks you’re funny, nobody thinks you’re one of the guys, nobody cares what you think about sports. Until you actually do something of import your only job is to look pretty and fuck like you mean it, that’s it.
I’m just going to say it; reading Twilight would be more comical than this forced “look at me, I can be vulgar” BS. Oh sweetie, looks like you don’t have the looks, personality, class OR sense of humor to hang with the boys. Your dad must be so proud.
this chick should be giving out blowjobs as part of the foam party packages.
is it just me or does salesguy look like a make a wish cancer patient?
can we get an update if shes been fired and/or killed herself yet??
cmcg next level. ITS A BIRD, ITS A PTERODACTYL ITS PRES! oh wait no its just gracie, with no tits and a huge pres jew nose. Gross. Get a real job god damn it. no wonder she was interest in feits, gotta aim low when you have a face that makes children cry.
Feitelberg and Sales guy could double team your nostrils Gracie
The high number of comments tells me gracie is going to be around for a long time, or until she becomes graciemarbles and gets a rogue YouTube channel.
REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME A CHICK WAS FUNNY… NEITHER DO I.
Need a dick the size of Lexington Steele to get past a nose like that to even attempt a face fucking.
Oh and I hope you get HPV and don’t have the shot so when you get older it tuns into cervical cancer. Fuck off twat.
What the fuck was that. Pres when will you learn. Keep theses broads making coffee and far away from the keyboard. That was terrible.
What the fuck was that. Pres when will you learn. Keep theses broads making coffee and far away from the keyboard. That was terrible.
Im with PizzaTime. Gracie, ur my new shit. You’ve officially been bagged on more than i have. Its taken you one day to my two years. Impressive shit, shorty. We are gna have a beutiful relationship.
Over/Under on how many days till Gracie makes a “It Gets Better” video
@goddy77 don’t encourage, people are bagging her because she’s not funny and an ugly slut. If she was Muslim her father would kill her for the honor of the family. Fuck if he’s white he should do the same.
“Im here, and Im here to stay” umm yeah, no youre not actually…I give it a few days at most, maybe a week or 2 if you actually start giving out BJs at BSS HQ
Stro, hahaha. Thats fuckin great. I gotta be honest tho, i dont no if its the snout or the dumb jokes but theres somethin about this broad.
Why do girls think it’s funny to try to be funny? Why do they think it’s acceptable to say “bro?” Why does this girl think we care she wants to stuff Fake Jew or sales guy? What the fuck? This is awful. Not even remotely close to funny. You make Pres sound like a comedic genius. Cool std inventions, all hilarious.
Gracie going with the pay-per-comment contract was pure genius.
Do not want.
“So hear me out, I’m here to stay.” I don’t think Gracie. I’m guessing every one of your relationships has ended with you on the receiving end of domestic violence.
More comments!
Has anyone mentioned this broad is trying way too hard and sucks…
Because i don’t want to repeat anyone…
but in all seriousness… show us your tits
Damn bitch ur shit is terrible, straight snooze fest. My boss just bitched me out for falling asleep at my desk I then showed him your post and sure enough I had to tuck him in. Now if you could just stick to polishing knobs and not expressing your “feelings” I’m sure we’d all appreciate it. The only lips of yours that should be flapping are the ones I’m pounding.
Hahah Curtbag, haha. Thats my shorty your talkin about, bro. Watch yo’self
I thought it was ok. Most of the the dipshits here could barely construct a proper and logical paragraph let alone an entire piece.
B-
GRACIE IF YOU POST A VIDEO OF FIETS BREAKING YOUR NOSE I WILL BUY A $40 PINNIE
Sweet cowbell joke
Fucking atrocious. It would have been funnier if she repeatedly slammed her broke ass face into a keyboard. Hey goddy, go get raped by big ben and never comment again. No one checks back into the comments in the vain hope you made some shitty little remark about their comment. Get a fucking life.
#nbhnc
Soxfan, with the comment of the year
On second thought Pres, keep her. The blogging sucks ass but the comment section has never been better. I haven’t seen anyone get this ripped since the Dream Team or that volleyball player. Gracie, the only funny part was the “I’m here to stay” part. Only a fucking retard would want to stay after the verbal bukakke you’ve taken here.
How come every 6 months or so Pres decides he wants a female around the office and subjects us all to this nonsense? I laughed harder on 9/11.
I can only read all of the shit you write simply because I want to fuck you for so long. That was forced and it sounds like you had Pres or somebody standing over your shoulder telling you what to say so you sounded better…. Hurry up and get your dick wet guys so we can just go back to looking at this broad.
Keep her just for comment section. read funnier shit than most blogs.
Possibly the most comments since Howitzergate?
I was an english major, so I enjoyed the prose. There wasn’t much funny, but as has been chronicled above, girls aren’t funny. Not even professional comedians. Maybe Chelsea Handler. But not really even her. I’m not mad at ya’, it’s just life.
I was an english major, so I enjoyed the prose. There wasn’t much funny, but as has been chronicled above, girls aren’t funny. Not even professional comedians. Maybe Chelsea Handler. But not really even her. I’m not mad at ya’, it’s just life.
Also, “long on words, short on boobs” pretty much sums up why guys are infinitely more funny than girls.
are you serious with that beak? she could smoke butts in the shower
the only post i wanna see out of you is pics of you and molly 69ing thanx..
Wasn’t terrible. Good for a girl but that’s not sayin much. I like the gracie GTA idea, an the infiltrate ko barstool ideas though…
I’ve read better blogs from a deaf, dumb, and blind man. I have a good feeling you won’t be seeing too much of you in the future. Nice shnoz by the way.. you look like an anteater.
*we.
God, just reading that blog has made me stupider
Pulitzer
Not funny at all
Gracie, I don’t know what everyone is smoking, this was excellent A+. Barstool Bloggers should fear for their jobs…. Yeah right you dumb fucking cunt.
“if you’re gonna come at me bro…” Absolutely cringe-worthy. Don’t ever say “bro” again you big nosed mick cunt. I don’t even know what to say about “douchelords.” Fuck you Gracie. You are to be seen, not heard.
174 comments so far….thatll teach her. Gracie u gonna be a hardo lets hear some witty banter with the commenters. Dance for the dollar monkey.
booobs
its amazing how unfunny chicks are. If I knew gracie sure she would be funny but this post horrible.
Also- find your own voice we don’t need need a water down version of Prez we have fietleberg.
Manzo has a sister?
PS how bad is it if stoolies are calling for MANZO?
She is trying to be a dude. It’s not working, Gracie. You are also making the entire female population look retarded.
Go back to reading Twilight… this is the worst thing I have read on this site!
this was so bad that i created a username just so i could tell you how bad this was.