Boston.com – Twelve finalists have been announced for induction into the National Toy Hall of Fame. The toys selected for induction will be announced in November. If you were on the committee, how would you rank the toys?
I got to be honest. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as the National Toy Hall of Fame. Who votes? Bloggers? Probably right? Anyway here is how my ranking of these toys go.
2. Little Green Army Men
3. Magic 8 Ball
4. Pac Man
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
9. Rubber Duck
10. My Little Pony
11. Fisher Price Little People
(I didn’t put chess on there because I don’t consider chess a toy. But more importantly let’s talk about the best toys of all time. Like none of this Bubbles shit. I’m talking the best of the best. Here you go. No point in debating it because it’s perfect.)
But honestly this list is neither here nor there. That’s not why I blogged this story. Instead I want to talk about the best toys of all time. Like the 1st ballot Toy Hall of Famers. And no this list isn’t up for debate. It’s not opinion. It’s science.
15. Spin Art
This is the only one I could see people having a problem with. Because frankly I’m not sure if lots of kids had spin art. If you didn’t you missed out big time. Basically you just squirt some paint onto a canvas and stick it in the spin art machine and then spin the fuck out of it and boom you turn into Picasso. Like I honestly could make a spin art right now and stick in on my living room wall. That’s how awesome spin art paintings came out.
14. Rubik Cube
Everybody had a rubix cube. Nobody could solve it. Show me 1 guy who didn’t cheat by peeling off the stickers and I’ll show you a guy who doesn’t want to win bad enough for my taste.
Pound for pound maybe the simplest best invention ever made. Just a tiny ass ball that is bouncy as fuck. Only flaw is nobody has ever owned a superball for longer than 10 minutes before you throw it too hard and it just bounces the fuck away and on to it’s next owner.
12. Matchbox Cars
If you didn’t play with Matchbox cars growing up you’re probably a fairy.
11. Power Wheels
I never had Power Wheels. I grew up on the wrong side of the Swampscott Tracks. Wasn’t like those rich motherfuckers in Littles Point. I just had the standard issue Big Wheels that you had to peddle yourself like a damn fool. But I was always jealous as fuck of the big swinging dicks with Power Wheels. I’d probably still trade a power wheels Mercedes for a real Mercedes.
10. Shrinky Dinks
You know what the beauty of Shrinky Dinks are? If I had a pack I’d still throw them in the oven right now and be utterly and completely amazed as I watched em shrink. In fact my new goal in life is to get a pack of Barstool Shrinky Dinks. Wear like a charm necklace with all the bloggers as Shrinky Dinks. Mogul coming through! Get out of the way bitch! That would be AWESOME.
9. GI Joe
No brainer. Everybody played GI Joe. Hell I think the first time I came my pants was letting Destro have his way with Lady Jaye. Just took my underoos off and there was goo everywhere. Had no fucking clue what happened.
Revolutionized the squirt gun game forever. I lived in the era when not everybody had a Supersoaker too. They were kind of new to the market. You’d have poor fools heading into squirt gun fights with old school single shot pistols going against semi automatics. I swear a coupe bros flat died like they were getting hit with real bullets. That’s how big of a blood bath it was.
I think you could argue that Voltron should be in this spot, but that’s a different discussion for a different day. Dinobots FTW.
6. WWF Dolls
If you didn’t have at least 4 wrestlers and the ring I didn’t even want to know you in elementary school. I had the following guys. Hogan, JYD, Big John Stud, Iron Sheik, Nicholas Volkoff, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jimmy Superfly Snuka, Rowdy Piper, Brutus the Barber and King Kong Bundy. Now that is a Royal Rumble you want no part of son.
5. Hutch Football
I don’t even know how kids played backyard football before the invention of the Hutch. You could throw that shit 50 yards like you’re Steve Grogan. I almost put the Nerf Turbo on this list as well, but that was just kind of a newer version of the Hutch.
4. Jordan 7 Foot Jammer
If I had a nickel for every time I shattered a 7 foot Jammer backboard dunking on some poor fool’s head I’d be retired on some tropical island right now. Just the most dominant 7 foot jammer player you’d ever seen. Like a weird combo between Jordan, Dominique, Harold Minor, Moses Malone and CT. Good look stopping that.
Needs no explanation.
2. Nerf Hoop
Just the plain orange rim and that orange mush ball. Just let dudes be dudes.
I’m including both the wiffleball and the wiffleball bat under this category. I’m not sure if that’s cheating or not, but I don’t think so. After all you bought the ball and the bat together. By far the best invention not only for toys, but maybe ever. It’s perfect. It’s the only thing on this entire list that has never been upgraded or improved. That’s because it can’t be. You can’t make a better wiffleball or bat ever. It’s the same today as it was 50 years ago. You can’t improve perfection.