iberry

 

Listen everybody who knows me knows I’m a blackberry guy. I live and die with it. I’ve said it time and time again that the phone gods will have to pry a blackberry from my cold dead hands. But despite all my bravado I knew this day was eventually coming. The day when I’d finally have to cave and buy an iphone.   Well that day came yesterday.  No not because Iphones are better than Blackberry’s because they ain’t.  Not because Blackberry is going out of business either. But instead because Blackberry’s don’t have apps. No instagram. No vine. No nothing.  I need that shit for blogging. I need that shit to find smokes. Unlike most people who just buy Iphones to look cute I need that shit for my job. So what did I do? No biggie. Only created the world’s first iBerry. Business (blackberry) in the front. Party (iphone) in the back. The perfect phone for email and typing and for ditzy shit like pictures. I got two different phone numbers too. One for business. Burner for sluts. I slapped some industrial Velcro in the middle and boom mogul city. I almost hate myself for being so fucking brilliant.  And yes I patented the technology so don’t even think of trying to make an iberry without having to pay me royalties. Fuck you Steve Jobs. I own that ass now. Did the Pres do it again or did the Pres do it again?

PS – Anybody who thinks this is a joke or a gimmick doesn’t know me very well.  This is the best smartphone in the history of smartphones.   And yes I fully expect this blog to break the internet.  Gizmodo and Techcrunch cumming themselves and shit.