TOKYO — In many Western countries, crooked teeth are seen as imperfections and most people consider a straight set of pearly whites ideal. The story is slightly different in Japan, where “yaeba,” or snaggletooth, are considered cute; with some men finding the imperfect smile they form endearingly childlike and attractive. Okay, so maybe “snaggletooth” is an unfair translation. “Yaeba” literally means “multilayered” or “double” tooth, and describes the fanged look achieved when molars crowd the canines and push them forward. It’s not a serious dental deformity, but it’s certainly enough to get you picked on at school in some countries. Thanks to the popularity of pop-idol group AKB48′s Tomomi Itano and other celebrities sporting a pair of rogue chompers of their own, “yaeba” has turned into a cosmetic craze in recent years, with Japanese women of all ages flocking to dental clinics to have temporary or permanent artificial canines, called “tsuke-yaeba,” glued to their teeth.
This is exactly why nobody has taken the Japanese seriously since Pearl Harbor. No longer are they the tough guy in the Axis of Evil, they’re the fucking weirdo who sits alone at lunch and everyone just thinks “ok if we leave him alone maybe he won’t talk to us and weird us out.” As strange as it is to say I think this is Japan’s weirdest fetish. I can deal with the anime rape and octopus cumshots that are so big they make the tsunami look like a light swell. That’s all well and good. I’m not gonna get on my soap box and tell you I’ve never found one of those ads in the sidebar attractive. I can understand where they’re coming from there. But where they lose me is snaggleteeth. Fucking disgusting. Smiles are insanely important. I can basically only find chicks hot if they had braces for 4 years and use White Strips as often as they shower. Don’t you dare come at me with “tsuke yaeba”.
And how ’bout the Japanese bros openly admitting they think it’s hot because it makes the girls look like kids? That means you’re a pedophile! You just found a fucking loophole in the system! Having a chick use some Elmers to glue extra teeth in her mouth then dressing her like a schoolgirl so you can bang someone “endearingly childlike” is the fucking slightest cunt hair away from being a pederast. Banging these chicks is like when serial killers start off by lighting small fires or killing small animals. You know they’re a sick and twisted monster, they just haven’t slipped up big enough to land them in jail yet.