Jason Whitlock Says Serena Williams is Too Fat

Jason Whitlock on FoxSports – Serena Williams has all the ingredients to be Michael Jordan, Jim Brown and Muhammad Ali rolled into one made-for-TV package… Unfortunately for us, she lacks the courage to fulfill her destiny. She’d rather eat… She complains about being ranked No. 2 in the world when she’s not bitching on Twitter or her blog about new rules that forbid Wimbledon players from eating in the locker room. Seriously, how else can Serena fill out her size 16 shorts without grazing at her stall between matches? I know, you think I’m a hypocrite. No, I’m not. Sports writers are supposed to be plump and lazy. I’m fulfilling my destiny… She’s chosen to smother some of it in an unsightly layer of thick, muscled blubber, a byproduct of her unwillingness to commit to a training regimen and diet… I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin. (A stuffed onion is a booty so round and tight that it brings tears to your eyes).

You can count me among those who have grown a little tired of Whitlock’s act.  His whole “I’m the only black guy with the guts to speak the truth to power” shtick has gotten sort of predictable and tiresome.  But give him credit when it’s due.  When he’s right he’s right.  Tennis players are supposed to be hot and guys who write about sports have every right to be fat, lazy slobs.  That’s why I’m sitting here blogging instead of on the ladies tennis tour.  It’s all part of God’s plan.  And that’s why our Founding Fathers wrote the Double Standard into the Bill of Rights.  If Serena wants to be a beloved tennis legend she should put away the Baskin Robbins Chocolate Oreo Shake and start working on getting an onion ass that will make Jason Whitlock cry.  Or slim down and grow some vacation boobs like Simona Halep.  (Vacation boobs are boobs so round I want to spend a week in them.)  Either that or start learning to be a sports writer.

Jerry Thornton   |  Random Thoughts   |  07/8/09, 4:10 pm    | 

17 People have left comments on this post



» scruples said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:54 }

good article, good post. well done jt.

and no mention of a boston sports team. i just shit my pants.

» CptKballs said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:53 }

Would he prefer her to look like her sister, Penis Williams?

» scruples said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:57 }

lead pipe lock that she can lift a VW with her snatch.

» bradymancrush said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:44 }

It’s like a Jagermeister Blog…it seems like a really good idea at the time but when you’re done with it you just end up hurling on yourself.

» TimNaehringSaysSo said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:18 }

You mean “his” and “brother”?

» HookedOnAsians said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:43 }

If I see one more sheli “I spent an amazing with eli….”. With that girl/boy I’ll fuckin yack

» Burch said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:03 }

didn’t she just win Wimbledon?

» isuck said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:31 }

if you ask me, Her ass actually looks pretty good in that photo!

» Thor69 said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:56 }

Pot, meet kettle. I believe Whitlock is a giant fat ass himeself.

» Always Be Closing said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:52 }

Whitlock’s timing is suspect considering her fat ass just won wimbledon…he probably tried to sleep with her and she shot him down. Why else would he call her out like this?

» Exodus Tyson said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:06 }

I know it might be getting a little old but cmon guys, yeah she’s great a tennis..BUT CAN SHE SWIM? nope…

» Minibarbaric said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:05 }

Women who play tennis should be hot. End of story.

The girl to the right went oompa loompa overboard on the spray-on tan

Rmf errg blah frggn grrm ashtray money bro. Do Mumbles Menino and Lenny Dykstra have their own language? Dykstra sounded like he was heavily sedated and could barely speak on HBO. The judge in his bankruptcy is going to have a very hard time.

» BOB LOBLAH said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:57 }

I kinda think her giants ass and titties is okay for a giant tennis chick..just a break from all the hot girls I dream about fucking. I think she maybe the first tennis chick since mary pierce where I don’t want to fuck or tottally want to fuck her. It seems like there is never an inbetween with tennis girls just Serena and mary

» tuffnutz said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:35 }

but that grazing at her stall in between matches line is awesome by whitlock

» titto1210 said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 04:07:49 }

damn JT wrote a good entertaining post, good job

» Smoke said: { Jul 8, 2009 - 06:07:50 }

(Vacation boobs are boobs so round I want to spend a week in them.)

lol best line ever… i had to look at who wrote the blog to make sure it wasn’t elprez and of course it wasn’t.

» conniehawkins said: { Jul 9, 2009 - 09:07:07 }

Always be closing, I think you might be right. she obviously can’t be that out of shape and play tennis at the level she’s playing at. Whitlock’s a fool!
Always has been.

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