Jason Whitlock on FoxSports – Serena Williams has all the ingredients to be Michael Jordan, Jim Brown and Muhammad Ali rolled into one made-for-TV package… Unfortunately for us, she lacks the courage to fulfill her destiny. She’d rather eat… She complains about being ranked No. 2 in the world when she’s not bitching on Twitter or her blog about new rules that forbid Wimbledon players from eating in the locker room. Seriously, how else can Serena fill out her size 16 shorts without grazing at her stall between matches? I know, you think I’m a hypocrite. No, I’m not. Sports writers are supposed to be plump and lazy. I’m fulfilling my destiny… She’s chosen to smother some of it in an unsightly layer of thick, muscled blubber, a byproduct of her unwillingness to commit to a training regimen and diet… I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin. (A stuffed onion is a booty so round and tight that it brings tears to your eyes).

You can count me among those who have grown a little tired of Whitlock’s act.  His whole “I’m the only black guy with the guts to speak the truth to power” shtick has gotten sort of predictable and tiresome.  But give him credit when it’s due.  When he’s right he’s right.  Tennis players are supposed to be hot and guys who write about sports have every right to be fat, lazy slobs.  That’s why I’m sitting here blogging instead of on the ladies tennis tour.  It’s all part of God’s plan.  And that’s why our Founding Fathers wrote the Double Standard into the Bill of Rights.  If Serena wants to be a beloved tennis legend she should put away the Baskin Robbins Chocolate Oreo Shake and start working on getting an onion ass that will make Jason Whitlock cry.  Or slim down and grow some vacation boobs like Simona Halep.  (Vacation boobs are boobs so round I want to spend a week in them.)  Either that or start learning to be a sports writer.