Jesus and Rajon Help Celtics Restore Basketball World to its Rightful State
His knees were bent, his elbow was locked and loaded, his wrist was cocked and the basket seemed five times the size of Jordan Farmar’s ears. When last night’s game was all over, Ray Allen had completed the best shooting performance in NBA Finals history. But he wasn’t the real story of the game. Not when all truths we Celtics fans consider self-evident again became, well, evident.
The Celtics made every play down the stretch, overcame everything the Lakers and three Hellen Keller-esque referees threw their way, and once again showed why all Kobe Bryant-Michael Jordan comparisons were proven false two seasons ago. 48 minutes of basketball later my fingernails are completely gone, my hair is partially gray and my neighbors are wondering who the hell Mike Callahan is — there is no way they didn’t hear my primal screams calling Callahan (the ref) a “blind, pussy-ass bitch.”
So, besides the blatant referee home cooking, what exactly did the Celtics overcome? Pau Gasol once again played like the best big man on the planet; Andrew Bynum played like the second-best; Kevin Garnett played even worse than he did in Game 1 — he regressed from Mikki Moore to Andrew DeClerq; the entire C’s frontcourt was in foul trouble; Paul Pierce’s shooting percentage was worse than Andy Garcia’s mustache; Sasha Vujacic pretended to be a reliable sub; and Shelden Williams spent his 4:13 of playing time either 1) trying his best to get cut, or 2) fully believing he was on the Lakers payroll.
All that, and the Celtics still won. They did it the same way they won the championship two seasons ago, the same way they took Orlando to seven games last season even without KG, and the same way they advanced to the NBA Finals this season — with lock-down defense, timely offense and an unwillingness to wilt down the stretch. Also, they even grabbed a few rebounds. More than LA, in fact. (Even Doc Rivers wanted it more than any Laker — didn’t you see him Usain Bolt his way onto the court to call timeout and save the C’s from an eight-second violation? And then Scal go give him what was almost a full-fledged man-hug? I damn near cried tears of joy; that shit was touching.)
Plus, Ray Allen and Rajon Rondo were pretty decent. All Allen did in the first half was toss flames into the bucket, kind of like a Bizarro Ron Artest. And Rondo? He made every play down the stretch — too many offensive rebounds to explain, that ridiculous block of Derek Fisher, the wrap-around steal on Kobe, and buckets and dimes galore. Is there anything Rondo can’t do on the basketball court? You will probably immediately respond “shoot,” but when the Celtics desperately needed a jumper Rondo was right there with a clutch 17-footer. He was already an All-Star but has become a flat-out superstar, tonight outplaying the player everyone hailed as the world’s best only five days ago.
That’s right, Kobe Bryant was considered the best player in the world five days ago. Seems a little weird now. Now, he’s just the latest in a long line of superstars who appear dazed and confused after playing the Boston Celtics. I know he battled foul trouble last night, but if Kobe was really the world’s best player, if he should really be considered anywhere near Michael Jordan in the pantheon of NBA superstars, wouldn’t he be his team’s greatest strength? But he’s not — the Lakers’ frontcourt is. And if Kobe were anywhere near Michael, wouldn’t he undoubtedly be his team’s best option every single night come crunch-time? Tonight, he wasn’t. While Kobe forced some ugly jumpers that helped let the Celtics win the game, Gasol and Bynum stood five feet away from the hoop wishing they could get their hands on the goddamn ball. Kobe is great, amazing even, but he’s not the world’s best, and he still can’t figure out Tom Thibodeau’s defense.
But the Celtics wouldn’t have been in the position to hold Kobe off down the stretch if it weren’t for some key minutes from some reserves. Rasheed Wallace suddenly looks like a better player than Kevin Garnett, Tony Allen had some solid — if not great — minutes, Nate Robinson had two enormous buckets, and Glen Davis, despite seeing almost half his shots swallowed by Bynum, still managed to affect the game with his energy. (Davis also nearly caused two separate earthquakes by diving on the floor during the fourth quarter.)
Put it all together and the basketball world has been repaired to its rightful state. The Celtics are the most mentally-tough team in the universe and the Lakers squandered a winnable game down the stretch.
Sounds just right, doesn’t it?
Doc running onto the court to call that timeout made him more more productive on the court than KG. What a game.
Funny how much changes from Game 1 to Game 2. How about we let the entire series out before we go claiming Kobe isn’t the best or this and that. Kobe could come out the next 3 games and bury Boston, then he would be considered one of the greatest of all time right?
Dudes, the Harvard boy rap star, that guy Ca$h Philson made this Rajon Rondo song in time for the weekend…heard its nuts we were blasting it all night long
http://soundcloud.com/mmpglobal/rajon-rondo
Fucking national media buried the C’s after Game 1 and anointed Kobe as equivalent to MJ throughout the post-season. Kobe isn’t even the best player on his own team throughout the playoffs, and he’s damn sure not the best player on the floor now (see: Rondo, Rajon). You don’t need a “full series” to see that. If (and it’s a huge IF) the Lakers somehow win it will be because of Gasol and Bynum and not Kobe.
This is a near prefect assessment of the game. Well done.
what Rondo cant do?? shoot a freaking free throw
Ray Allen had completed the best shooting performance in NBA Finals history.
Really? He shot 11-20 relax with the accolades. He scored 5 points in the 2nd half.
Greatest shooting performance in NBA Finals history?
1985 Scott Wedman 11-11 including 4 3′s.
Big win though
big win, but doesn’t feel like we can hold the Lakers off in this series. I hope I’m wrong.
Deke, didn’t Kobe drop 30 in game 1 and essentially ice the game. He HAS been the best player on his team throughout the playoffs, only a fucking retard wouldn’t recognize that. It is just funny how the same people who buried the Celts a few days ago will now begin to suck their dicks. So I was just suggesting that maybe we should let the series play out before we bury Kobe and annoint the Celts champs.
^
This.
Great breakdown and analogies. I feel strange writing positive feedback on this site.
http://www.jackofallthoughts.com/sports-commentary/allen-in-the-first-half-rondo-in-the-second-kg-in-neitherseries-tied-bitch/
there are way too many metaphors in this write up. but they were fairly spot on.
Jay King, well done. Your analogies are getting better, and funnier.
For the Celts to win this thing they’ll need to get MUCH more out of both Pierce and Garnett. To this point, neither of of those two has been able to hit very makable shots. You can’t expect Ray Allen to hit eight three pointers every night.
Fishy, that’s bullshit. What’s the difference between this Laker team and the one two years ago that chicken boned the finals? One thing: Gasol.
OH THE DRAMA !!!!
Can’t wait for some player to break a chair over a coache’s head . . . and then splash a fan with a cup of water like the Harlem Globetrotters!
OH THE DRAMA !!!!
http://www.sportspickle.com/article:964/celtics-dedicate-nba-finals-to-memory-of-kevin-garnett
TOO.FUCKIN. LONG.
Why would i ever read more than the 1st Paragraph?
Try again.
series is tied 1-1 no one won anything yet. good to get one in LA. you can’t win a final til you win on the road. good game.
devious, i get it that you are promoting your blog and its not bad. however – one suggestion. get an anonymous comment section. no one wants to link facebook pages with random dudes that come on to a website to talk sports and boobs while escaping “work” for a few minutes.
new shirt idea : Nobody Fucks With Da Jesus (Shuttlesworth)
Nobody in the NBA performs their role any better than fucking Rondo!
he took over that game with 3:00 to go
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Your absolutely right Donkey Show, I already mentioned that to the website design department. http://www.jackofallthoughts.com/music-entertainment-commentary/top-10-movie-cunts-of-all-time-5-1/