DMWell, he can’t have it all. Joe Flacco, starting quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens, can throw a football a miraculous 70 yards. He can toss a ball so well that one analyst said he has the strongest arm in the NFL. But in regular day-to-day life, the man with the incredible arm is not nearly as exciting as he is on the field, his father says. ‘Joe is dull,’ Steve Flacco told the New York Times in a recent telephone interview. ‘As dull as he is portrayed in the media, he’s that dull. He is dull.’

As crazy as it sounds I actually think my dad is more proud of me than Joe Flacco’s dad is of him. This isn’t some little quip that the media blows out of proportion. Flacco’s dad practically says that his son is the most boring motherfucker on the planet and being in a room with him is an absolute chore. He’s Ambien in human form. When his dad watches him play he prefers to focus on the blade of grass by the 36 grow rather than watch his son inaccurately throw a football 60 yards. Not that I want anybody to win the Super Bowl but I definitely want the Ravens to lose. Such an unlikeable group of guys. Gotta choose between the loud mouthed murderers and the quiet, sullen dudes whose own father’s hate them. No thanks. Say what you will about the Patriots but when they’re boring it’s on purpose, not because they have a complete inability to be interesting. If the Ravens won you’d have to waterboard Flacco to get him to say he’s going to Disney World.