Knee Jerk Reactions from Week 9: Pats vs. Dolphins

Things to consider while wondering what it is about Michigan guys not being able to count timeouts:

*As wins go, this isn’t one they’ll be building an interactive kiosk for in the Hall at Patriots Place.  There was some sloppiness and some defensive lapses you wouldn’t expect coming off a bye and with Miami having put up 104 yards total offense last week.  But with Miami having beaten the Jets twice and Buffalo once, it went a long way toward putting a deposit down on the AFC East title.  And any game where you get to see Joey Porter waterboarded by a rookie is a good day.

*And you can always feel good about a game where you look on the stat sheet and see Laurence Maroney had a YPC longer than his cornrows.

*Sebastian Vollmer is quickly stealing the Most Pleasant Surprise superlative away from Gary Guyton and Brandon McGowan.  He’s just THE most fun guy to watch on offense right now.  His technique is flawless.  He never gets caught with his feet not under him, he never gets beat on the quick twitch move to the outside.  You can’t get inside his hands.  And every on every rush, Sea Bass stays in front of his man and as soon as he gets to Brady’s level, shoves him five yards back up field. He pulled that move on Porter so many times yesterday, it looked like Midget Bowling.

*You can’t really blame Porter though. It’s hard enough playing football without having to look for open microphones the whole game too.

*How weird is to be playing Miami in Foxboro in November and not have the weather be an advantage for the Pats?  Especially three weeks after playing in a snowstorm?  But yesterday was what I like to call Cheerleader Midriff Weather.

*It’s only my opinion, but that stripper glitter on the Dolphins helmets is full of win.  Pat White’s Lego Bionicle helmet? Fail.

*I know that the “Patriots Get All the Calls” express train left the station and there’s no stopping it, but it’s simply not the case.  They lead the league in Roughing the Passer calls, there was 1:14 left in the first half before Miami got flagged for anything, and what about that bogus overturn of the Chad Henne fumble/incompletion?  I mean, what was that?  Once, just once, I’d like to see Brady get the benefit of a call where he’s hit while his arm is in motion and he hadn’t tucked the ball away.

*No one benefits from having a healthy Wes Welker back than Ben Watson.  In London he got that long TD on a Go route when the single safety was spying Welker.  And yesterday he caught a 1^st down off of that Levels route Welker ran so well at Texas Tech and the Colts do so much damage with.  Watson ran a square in, with Welker running the same pattern 10 yards behind him.  Brady reads the corner and hits whomever he leaves open.  When Watson’s holding onto the ball as he has been lately, the play is practically indefensible.

*So it’s pretty clear now that the Dolphins coaching staff spends all summer trying to come up with some innovation they can unveil against the Pats.  Yesterday they gathered everyone into the showroom and pulled the tarp off the Florida Gators run option of all damn things.  I can’t wait for next year when we’ll get to see the Wing-T or the Wishbone.

*Credit to the Pats though.  After the initial sucker punch, they responded well given the fact it’s something they couldn’t possibly have prepared for.  After that drive long drive with all the option runs, Belichick went into old ball coach mode, which he does on the fly better than any coach that every lived.  He had Adalius Thomas and Tully Banta Cain on the bench berating them to do… only they know what.  He went all Jack Bauer when Bill Buchanan hands him a Spec Op unit, assessing the situation and calmly preparing a rapid response counter strike.  I’m sure it had a lot to do with setting the edge or playing the outside guy or something.  Whatever he said it worked.

*By the same token, I doubt Miami was ready to see Vince Wilfork play most of the game at defensive end.  Obviously neither was Dan Dierdorf, who took until 4 minutes into the 2^nd half to notice the 350 guy at the edge of the defense.  At one point they even showed VW getting into his stance at end and Dierdorf said something about “and there’s big Vince Wilfork in the middle…” The middle of what?  The season?  His career?  A mid-life crisis?   Dierdorf has proven he can’t go two minutes without saying something that’s A) Pointless or B) Wrong.  He’s Tim McCarver with an awesome mustache.

*I just don’t see though how you can run an NFL offense shuttling quarterbacks in and out like a 2^nd grade soccer coach letting everyone play goalie.

*Though I guess I understand Dierdorf better after that thing he said about “finding pee under your mattress.”  I guess it’s fairly common among people Dan’s age and it’s good that he’s going public with it.

*For some reason I like Tony Sparano.  I think it stems from the automatic street cred you get from having Bill Parcells trust you enough to put you in charge.  I have to assume he’s legit and capable.  But he didn’t wrap himself in glory bitching about the stadium clock on the last play of the half.  Believe me, I was surprised Brady went for the TD and that there was time left on the clock.  But that doesn’t make this the ’72 US-Soviet Olympic basketball game.

*I guess we could be worried about the secondary.  Henne looked so utterly overmatched last week against the Jets and this week he looked, well almost lifelike.  And coming off last year where they turned stiffs like Seneca Wallace into Jesus at Quarterback on a regular basis, that’s a concern.  But one thing I love is how they’re dishing out hits.  The two Brandons and Pat Chung in particular have been flying to the ball and making receivers pay in a way that really we haven’t seen from the Pats since Rodney Harrison’s all too short prime.

*And while I’m all for protecting QBs and the Roughing call on Chung was legit, it’s not the worst thing for a defense to occasionally dish out a hit that has the trainer checking for the QB’s Organ Donor card.

*There’s no question in my mind that Ted Ginn Jr. dropped that sure 1^st down ball because he heard Meriweather’s footprints.  He has to be the softest receiver in the NFL, bar none. Abigail Breslin could beat him with press coverage.

*I’m not big on kicker talk… it goes through the uprights or it doesn’t; that doesn’t make for much in the way of conversational fodder.  But Stephen Gostkowski came up huge, and took away Miami’s only real big play threat.  I mean, how is it possible to kick on out of the back of the endzone on the fly from the 25?  Is there a limit for this guy?  Are 100 yard field goals out of the question?  From here on in I’m calling him Gus-tkowski.

*I’ve been wonder when and how I would approach the topic of drunken male-male-female threesomes with my son, but thanks to the “Two and a Half Men” promo they ran at 3:00 in the afternoon, now we’re all set.  Thanks CBS.  Next week maybe they can show us some DP and Eiffel Tower action.  What happened to you, Duckie?  You used to have integrity.

*So the Wildcat, if not yet dead or on life support, probably wouldn’t qualify for a major operation under Obamacare.

*The Pats were again prepared for it, playing it the way that seems to be in vogue now.  By crashing the corner in to take on the fullback, turn the play back inside and have the trailing, “fill” guys streak to the ball.  Of course it didn’t help Miami at all when Ricky Williams trips over the hash mark for a 5 yard loss.  (Note: That’s not the first time the words “Ricky Williams”, “trip” and “hash” appeared in the same sentence.  You can Google search them, but just trust me.)

*Kent Dierdorfman kept his consecutive game Randy Moss Harping streak alive on the interception by Vontae Davis.  Davis went up and made a spectacular, Deion-Sanders-boner-inducing grab of the ball, which Flounder automatically blames on Moss.  He’s the only wideout in the league who can’t be defended without it being his fault.

*And if Moss’ “Talk to the Hand” TD on Davis evened the score, the 2-point conversion gave him the win.  Davis got burned so badly on that route it increased his carbon footprint.

*I’ve looked the other way with all the “Crazy Train” and “Welcome to the Jungle.”   But yesterday we heard Foghat and Blue Oyster Cult?  Can the Krafts find a PA guy who isn’t 60 year old FM classic rock DJ who’s tastes run the gamut from A to B?

*Has Jason Taylor ever had a quieter day against the Pats?  By the 4^th quarter, I was ready to issue an Amber Alert for the guy.

*And on that note, I hate to sound like an ingrate, but I’d like to see Matt Light take his time getting back.  Seriously, take your time.  No need to rush.