Knee Jerk Reactions to Week 2: Pats vs. Jets

Things to consider while wondering if those wristbands could’ve used one more play called “Pick up the blitz”:

*The Jets players deserve a lot of credit for resisting the urge to Rex Ryan the Gatorade bath.

*I’m a firm believer in the Belichickian tenet that you win as a team and you lose as a team. So I’m not going to point fingers at anyone. I will however stand with my hands in my pockets, whistle, roll my eyes and nod in Bill O’Brien’s direction. I’ll concede that the loathsome NYJs made plays and deserved to win. But there was one person in the swamps of Jersey yesterday who wasn’t expecting the Jets to blitz the way they did, and unfortunately his headset was connected to Brady’s green dot.

*I mean, there was nothing new here. Ryan’s been running that same overstacked zone blitz since he was the sperm that came in clean for the sack on his mother’s egg in utero. And it’s not like no one ever tried to blitz the Patriots before. And they’d make a blitz happy team rue the day with draw plays, quick tosses, bubble screens to the sidelines to set up a 1-on-1, and we saw almost none of that. The fact that they’ve got Kevin Faulk on the roster and didn’t try a single RB screen is almost enough to make you wish they had Weis or McDaniels back. But those guys won’t get fired for another couple of months, so O’Brien has to step it up.

*But as much as I hate to admit it, Ryan’s big, fat, oafish bully persona helped set a tone that carried over to his team and their fans. It’s not my thing, but it works sometimes. Don’t forget, Biff Tannen was considered a leader too.

*This was the second week of O’Brien’s two week play calling career. And if he’s shown an underlying philosophy, it’s this: “Keep trying different things until you find something that doesn’t work. Then stick with that.” Laurence Maroney was hitting holes and running hard for decent chunks so he went to Fred Taylor. Taylor had a couple of nice off tackle runs (one where he got behind a pulling Stephen Neal and set him up for a block which sprung him for the 1st), so he switched to Sammy Morris who could do nothing. I suppose if Morris had cracked off an 80 yarder we would’ve seen BenJarvus Green Ellis for the rest of the game.

*As odd as it was seeing an entire offense wearing the wrist guard cheat sheets, it was fiber optics compared to how the defense sent in signals. They had coaches holding up dry erase boards with numbers on them. It looked like NASCAR. Or worse. Dean Pees sends in “8.” Pepper Johnson holds up a “7.” And Bruno Tonioli loved the passion and the movement and gives it a “9.”

*I can take a loss, but there’s no way I’m going to be able to handle the relentless, interminable Mark Sanchez ball washing that’s to come. I know the networks are always going to treat a Jets quarterback like a middle school girl treats a Jonas Brother, but this was over the top even by Dan Dierdorf’s standards. Dan actually talked about “the sparkle in his eyes” and you could hear in his voice he was dreaming of a shirtless Sanchez tearing his bodice off and carrying him to the barn in a Harlequin Romance. Even Suzy Kolber at her most Chad Pennington obsessed never said anything that bad.

*Of course the competition for stupidest thing to come out of Dan’s mouth is always a fierce one, and that thing about Sanchez’ sparkly, Edward Cullen-in-the-sun-like eyes wasn’t even the worst. That honor goes to his comment about how Randy Moss “was nothing but a sideline route runner” before coming to New England. Right. And Michelangelo painted ceilings, Dumbass.

*As in most tackle football games decided by one score, there were probably ten plays that decided this one. And the Jets probably won those ten plays 9-1. Give them credit. But it will take a lot to convince me that having Wes Welker in to run hot routes and neutralize those blitzes wouldn’t have made all the difference.

*Edelman will be OK though I think with experience. Plus I think he might still be recovering from Rosh Hashana. But Joey Galloway is the leader in the club house for the uncoveted Donald Hayes Memorial Cup, given to the veteran wideout who loses Brady’s confidence and gets cut midseason.

*Whatever else cost them the game, you can’t blame Moss’ effort. He was all over the field not only trying to get open, but directing traffic pre-snap as well. I counted no less than four times he had to straighten out Julian Edelman, and at least once where he moved Ben Watson from H-back to up on the line in a 3-point stance as he came across in motion. Given the fact that without Welker he was virtually working alone out there, he had a hell of a game.

*Antonio Gates and Dallas Clark will be sending Dustin Keller his “Tight Ends Who Kill the Patriots Club” satin jacket any day now.

*Certainties in Life:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Chris Hanson will boom one into the end zone from the opponent’s 35, then from his own 20 shank a 25 yarder off the side of his foot.

*Greg Gumbel will be out 4-6 weeks after injuring himself trying to say “irrefutable.’ At least three times he pronounced it “ir-REF-ut-able,” with the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAB-le. (In fairness, I think he was saying it like “irreputable,” a word you’d be saying a lot too if you had a douche like Bryant for a brother.)

*All week when the talk wasn’t about the Jets bigmouthishness, it was about how Belichick will devise these exotic schemes that will have Sanchez shooting himself in the leg just to get medivacked back to Southern Cal alive. But the Pats defense was nothing of the kind. It wasn’t even vanilla, it was ice milk. They ran a basic 4-3 all game long with Mike Wright and Vince Wilfork playing 2-technique on the guard’s inside shoulder. But there was no switching it around, no sudden changes to 3-4 or 2 down lineman looks or complicated rush schemes. It was probably no more complicated than what he’s faced a million times playing Madden.

*The biggest surprise I thought on defense was the number of reps Brandon McGowan got. Particularly how often they brought him up to the line of scrimmage. I don’t know if it’s because Brandon Merriweather was hurt (because Dierdorf and Gumbel were too busy exploring sexual fantasies and butchering the English language to tell us) or if it’s just a reflection of how confident they are in him or what. But I figured McGowan was your classic final roster cut guy, but at the moment he looks like our biggest hitter in the secondary.

*I’ve been working on a screenplay for a TV cop show pilot. It’s about a crack investigative team from Los Angeles that investigates forensics teams from New York that solve sex crimes in hospitals. My working title is “NCIS:LA,CSI:NY/SVU;ER.” Look for it on the 2010 CBS fall schedule.

*Like I said, the exotic looks on defense were rare and they barely even subbed. After 4 NY 1st downs they went to a passing down front of Myron Pryor, Wright, Derrick Burgess and Tully Banta Cain, but that was just for the nickel package. And on one short yardage they subbed in Ron Brace. But the starting 4 probably played 90+% of the snaps.

*There was one 3rd & 7 play where they had Banta-Cain, of all people, in at nose, and I thought it they were finally opening the bag of tricks, but then it was back to the ice milk.

*As bad as the pass protection was, I can’t really fault the line. I didn’t see too many 1-on-1 matchups they were losing. Early on there was that stunt up the middle where David Harris crossed with Bryan Thomas that worked. But when they went to it later on, the Pats line read it, Neal came off a double team to pick up Harris and Brady hit Moss on a crossing route for the 1st. My eyes tell me this was way more about the Jets bringing more guys than the Pats in to block than it was the Pats linemen breaking down. And that’s just being outcoached.

*You know how you can tell to a moral certainty a guy came to the game by himself? When he’s wearing Hulk Hands. Because if one of my friends… or a friend of a friend… showed up to a game like that, he’d end up looking like somebody out of a German B&D fisting video. And what’s scary is the Meadowlands had dozens of guys like that. “Friends don’t let friends wear Hulk Hands.”

*Congratulations to the Jets though for winning the Super Bowl. What day do they go down the Canyon of Heroes?