Dallas – A knife-wielding thief made off with $250 in cash and a $150 penis pump during a robbery early Sunday morning at an adult novelty shop in Dallas, police report. The aggravated robbery of Zone d’Erotica occurred at 4:45 AM, when the suspect “displayed knife then demanded money,” according to a Dallas Police Department report. In addition to fleeing with $250, the thief also walked out of the Forest Lane business with a penis pump valued at $150.

I’ll tell you what the real robbery is here. $150 for a fucking penis pump. That’s really how much they cost? $150? It’s a plastic tube with a little hose attached to it (pun definitely intended). How can that cost $150? I guess you’re paying for the quality? Maybe the brand name? At that price I don’t think this dude had a choice not to steal it. But the real question is was it a conscious decision to take the penis pump? Like did he just impulse steal it on his way out or was that his plan the whole time? I picture him getting jacked up in parking lot for the robbery saying to himself “time to get this fucking money and penis pump!” Better to steal cock enhancing equipment than order it in the mail and risk having your neighbors see it, that’s what I always say.