(TSG) – Looks like the comedian Larry the Cable Guy may actually use that heartburn treatment he pitches in those ubiquitous TV commercials. The 49-year-old performer (real name: Daniel Lawrence Whitney) has a tour rider that calls out for some Prilosec OTC. The “Cable Guy Dressing Room” needs to be stocked with:

* 50 “Hooters style” chicken wings with blue cheese dressing

* “4 cans of Skoal/Berry Blend Long Cut Tobacco (purple can)

*Deli tray with turkey, ham, roast beef, salami, and various cheeses

* “(6) grilled chicken breasts”

* 12 bottles of beer

* 4 cans of Red Bull

* Peanut butter and jelly

* “(1) one loaf of wheat bread (or rolls, croissants, etc.)”

 

This really fires me up. I didn’t like Larry the Cable Guy before but now I straight up hate him. Like an alcoholic drinking Smirnoff. The poser of posers. If you claim to be a redneck you absolutely cannot dip Berry Blend. That shit is exclusively reserved for the sophmores in the hockey locker room. I honestly had no idea any 18 year olds actually chewed it, much less the world’s most famous “redneck.” I mean everything else on that list is trashy as fuck. Hooters wings, PB&J, energy drinks, a loaf of bread. All that goes with the redneck persona. But Berry Blend?! Jesus Christ man, have some self-respect. Rednecks dip Grizzly Wintergreen. That’s it. If you’re from the south and dip anything else you’re essentially a high class plantation owner.