Mirror – A busty woman is accused of trying to kill her boyfriend by suffocating him with her double-D breasts. Franziska Hansen, 33, is reportedly charged with “attempted murder with a weapon” after her lawyer boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him while pretending it was a sex game. Nine-stone Franziska, from Germany, denies the allegations, saying it was a sex game and he knew what it was about, according to the Daily Mail. But boyfriend Tim Schmidt claims she admitted trying to kill him on the phone, saying she smothered him because she “wanted to make your death as pleasurable as possible”.

When I read the story I assumed this was some fat gross chick who tried to kill her boyfriend because he didn’t like fucking her or something. Then I did some detective work and found out “nine stone” means 128 pounds. That’s it?! Tim Schmidt has a 128 pound girlfriend with DDs and he’s running to the cops? That could not be more of a rookie move. If Franziska Hansen is fat, then I agree, lock her up in the pig pen in a heartbeat. But if you got a little hard body who likes to get a little freaky in the sack and maybe threaten you with murder here and there then you don’t run to the cops. You count your lucky stars that you got yourself a good one and remember to yell the safe word louder next time.