Man Stabs Himself In The Leg To Skip Work

EDGEWATER, Colo.—Police said a man stabbed himself, then said he was attacked by three men dressed in black who were either Hispanic or skinheads, in a ploy to miss work. Police arrested a 29-year-old man after he allegedly admitted he made up the assault and said he was responsible for the knife wound to his leg and other superficial cuts on his body. He faces charges of false reporting and obstructing a police officer. Police said the man reported the attack to the video store where he works on Monday. The reported assault drew five police agencies to the scene and K-9 units. Police spokesman Steve Davis said the man admitted the story was a lie after repeated questioning from detectives.

This story makes no sense on any level. Okay I mean yeah who hasn’t stabbed themselves in the leg to get out of work before? But not when you work at a video store. That’s like every man’s dream job. Like when I was a kid I either wanted to be a professional baseball player or work at a video store and watch movies all day. Instead reality hits and you end up working a sales job fucking cold calling all day for a product that fucking sucks and nobody wants to buy. That ’s enough to make you shoot yourself in the head just to get an extra 15 minutes on your lunch break or in my case quit and start a gambling newspaper called Barstool Sports.. But video store clerk? Come on dude! That’s as easy as it gets. It’s a slap in the face to every person who has a real job in America.

PS – How do you confuse Hispanics and skinheads? Seriously this guy has to be the worst liar of all time. Pick a lie and stick with it dude.