Marathon Mad Lib
As a service to our readers and to appease the seven people in the city who’d like to see more Marathon coverage, here is all the race results you’ll need. Just fill in the parentheses:
[Unpronounceable name] of [Kenya/Ethiopia] was the men’s winner in the 113th running of the Boston Marathon. With a time of [number between 2:05-2:20], [same name] was off the world record and shy of the Boston record set in [some year] by [who cares]. [That guy] took the lead from [another Kenyan/Ethiopian] at [Wellsley/Newton] and held off a challenge at Heartbreak Hill to capture his [number] title. The winner in the women’s race was [unpronounceable women's name] of [Kenya/former Warsaw Pact nation] with a winning time of [2:20 to 2:35] who won for the [numer]th time. The wheelchair winner was [somebody]. BAA organizers estimated the number of entrants at [some number above 20,000] but none was more inspirational than [ordinary name] of [local town] who ran his first marathon in memory of his [relative] who was stricken with [something horrible]. [He] finished with a time of [4:30+] but it wasn’t his time that was mattered most. “I didn’t care if I had to walk or crawl. I just wanted to get to that finish line.”
There you go. Feel free to thank me for the time I saved you. Now we can all get back to the Sox, Bruins and Celtics.

Jerry you only messed up on the wheelchair race….the same guy’s won it for like 20 years or something.
What do you mean GET BACK to the Sox, C’s, and B’s?
There has been nothing but male strippers, fugly bimbos , and some abortion of a british couple blog.
Why dont you get your shit together Thorton?
Jerry,
Instant classic.
Doesn’t it piss you off someone gets paid way too much $$$ to fill in the blanks?
this was funny.
none was more inspirational than [ordinary name] of [local town] who ran his first marathon in memory of his [relative] who was stricken with [something horrible]. [He] finished with a time of [4:30+]
hahaha
I’m completely convinced you came up with this yourself Jerry, but it was very funny nonetheless. I’m just too drunk to search elsewhere to prove it.