Marry Fuck Kill
Kim
Abby
Jenna
You knew this one was coming right? The lovely ladies of Stoollala. Let’s start with the most obvious. Anybody who knows anything about the Stool knows I got to fuck Kim. That’s the easy one for me. Although I think Abby would sneaky be bonkers in the sack Kim is too much in my Asian wheelhouse. One time I’d just love to be like “hey shut up Kim and let’s just fuck already”. As far who I’d marry, the fact that I see Jenna in the office everyday means I probably can’t kill her right? I mean who would run Stoollala? So even though she’s more like a sister now and I’m sure we’d just nag the shit out of each other for the rest of our lives I’ll marry her. Bonus points because I love her new dog. So that means I’m killing the new kid Abby. Oh well somebody had to die right? Nature of the beast. Plus I’m too old for her anyways.
Marry – Jenna
Fuck – Kim
Kill – Abby
PS – I can’t wait till Stoollala does this with the guys of Barstool. I’m going to break the record for most marries and fucks at once. Chicks like breaking their cunts trying to vote twice for me. Just killing the shit out of the Sales Guy, Devlin, KFC, Kmarko, Old man Thornton, UB or whoever else gets in my way.
first
too funny
Can’t stand asians. You die Kim.
Fuck Kim is a given. And I think Abby would be the one you marry. I don’t want my wife dancing in her underwear so kill Jenna.
Pres, can you fucking ban texasrangers for saying first on every blog? The kid needs to go. Marry Kim though, love me some asian. Abby looks pretty hott but that stupid look she has on in that picture infuriates me for no real reason.
Abby isn’t doing herself any favors with that picture vs the other 2
look at all the people who wanna fuck Jenna…go girl
And Jenna looks scrumptious in that picture…definitely gonna sway the voting.
abby is very dead. jenna wtf? smoke show
Really though… Jenna looks ridiculously hot.
But I could never pass up the opportunity to fuck a hot asian.
Also marry Abby is no contest.
Hmm lets see… rule 1, never marry a stripper. 2, bang every Oriental possible. Looks like this Abby broads getting hitched.
kill cubed
MileHigh,
You mean pres isn’t doing abby any favors with that picture vs. the other 2. Fix is in and pres is railroading the new girl. Jenna and Kim are worn out, but portnoy is nothing if not loyal.
Pull threesomes with Jenna and various smokes the rest of my life, yes please
Sorry Abby…lose the shirt and we’ll talk
multiple scorgasms, i am going to beat the shit out of you in fantasy this week.
You have to Kill Jenna she is so cliche TRASH!!!!
Gotta kill Kim, I’m not inflicted with the yellow fever, thank god. And that makes the other 2 choices 1000 times easier. Obviously you fuck Jenna’s slutty little ass into submission, just get downright dirty with her, doggy, piledriver, porno moves that arent even possible, just punish that pussy till you cant move. Then you get to go marry cute little Abby and have a happy life. As long as she doesn’t make any gay “well obviously we have a rapist” jokes again. ever.
Kill Jenna because she has the most annoying voice ever and it wouldn’t even be tolerable during sex. I would marry Abby because she is funny and sexy and fuck Kim because I’ve never been with an asian.
Gunna wanna marry those brains in Jenna. She’ll make the money eventually.
Gunna wanna fuck Abby cuz she’s a nut in the sack and has the biggest/nicest tittays.
Gunna wanna kill Asia cuz she’s fake, along with any other hot asian who’s into white dudes. All fake as shit.
Rp, I think every stoolie would fuck all 3 of them, it just shows that Jenna is more likely looked upon as more of a slut than Abby and Kim.
fishy fingers lolz
Fuck Jenna, Marry Abby for sure. Come on Pres you could have definitely gotten a better pic for Abby. You bring the heat with the pics for Jenna and Kim, then just shit on Abby like that? Not cool
Jenna would be hot if she
a) Dyed her hair a normal color, and
b) Got a face transplant
I was trying to showcase abby’s tits
Wow, this is insane. They’re all obnoxious and hyperconceited, but I would say Jenna’s most entitled to that because of her looks and master’s degrees.
Abby is an amazing snob, which is disconcerting because she goes to NU.
Kymmy does nothing for me.
As for the men of Barstool, obvly marry Portnoy for the bills and kill sales guy.
But we need to see the rest of her Pres before an educated decision can be made.
Marry- Pres
Kill- Thorton
“Abby is an amazing snob, which is disconcerting because she goes to NU”
fucking hilarious.
texasrangers… die in a fire
those eyebrows on abby are a little disconcerting but that video of kim talking shit at the beer pong tournament makes for an easy kill decision.
I have to agree with Pres on this one.
Marrying Abby- those boobs are going to be great for year and shed make a good housewife
Fucking Kim- becuase shes asian. nuff said.
Killing Jenna- Sorry but nothing is worse than a girl with an opinion….
definitely want to marry abby and those beautiful knockers, need to play with those everyday!!! Fuck kim, i got the yellow fever bad, as much as it pains me to kill jenna in that hot outfit, going to have to.
Jets, Patriots, Yankees, Giants, Mets, Redsox, Bruins, Rangers, Islanders, Celtics, Knicks, and Nets fan can all agree, texasrangers should be murdered.
You said it Fishy, dude needs to die
Kill-Kim…. Easy
Fuck- Abbey and just be done with her.
Jenna- Marry the shit out of you and never regret it. God Damn… leave it at that
Thought texasrangers retired yesterday?? wtf, obviously has the gay for favre.
easy one if u marry jenna u think u’d get to fuck all the time not a fan of wall biters so kill kim
If I marry Jenna, can I keep her in a cage and make her only wear that outfit or one similar to it? If so, marry. Asians are great for one night stands because their pussys don’t smell but are annoying to be around, so fuck that asian. Abby looks like some 10 year old retarded kid drew eyebrows on her face. Nice milkbags though hun. You’re toast, but its not your fault kid… bad pic, can’t compete.
This is good…
F – Kim
M – Jenna
K – Abby
Had no idea Abby was stacked like that, though those eyebrows are awful.
Marry KFC cuz we’d be so gay together.
Fuck Jerry cuz I’d take sooooooooooo much pleasure in taring his asshole.
Kill Jerry after I fuck him. (but if I have to play by the rules, kill Portnoy cuz he’s so damn full of himself.)
Anybody who does not vote to kill Kim is bat shit crazy …..
I would marry and fuck Jenna!!!
Abbys cans = awesome
I was shocked that the kill rate on Kim was so low…. That was a no brainer for me…
FYI — The eyebrows are for the Antoine Dodson costume…
i tried to retire yesterday, but kfc deleted my retirement statement. so i thought… what should i do? should i turn on my friends? after all.. they are my friends. maybe i should just disapear. should i just apologize to my friends and ask them to take me back, tell them that i was being a selfish jerk? wat should i do? should i admit that i was wrong, ask for everyone’s forgiveness and go back to my original team. no, screw that im just gonna go back to being a fucking dick.
i get a headache trying to play this game
Smithers would set the record with zero “fuck” votes.
I’d fuck Jenna cause the only thing she has to offer is from her neck down. Marry Kim cause Asians are very obediant to their husbands. So that leaves Abby getting the shovel to the back of the head, sorry but that pic of you is awful.
i watched some dumb video with kim in it.
most annoying cunt in the history of cunts.
Kill Marry Fuck.
kim is fuckin BANGIN!
texasrangers, pretty sure the consensus here about what you should do is to fucking kill yourself.
Anyways, according to match.com, the greatest compatibility of couples is a female asian and a white male, so you marry Kim in a fucking heartbeat. Or I could just murder them all, I wouldn’t mind that, fuck stoolala
Gotta Marry Abby. No way is Kim or Jenna marriage material. Fuck Jenna (anal of course), kill Kim!
This game is stressing me out. Fuck, I want another vote, I changed my mind.
I’m marrying Abby because I want to suck on those beautiful titties every night before I go to bed. I would fuck Kim because I’ve never been with an Asian girl, and rumor is their hatchet wound is horizontal, and not vertical like white chicks. I’d kill Jenna.
Abby is probably getting fired for going AWOL anyway, she’ll need to be a kept woman. Or killed.
abby wins marry and fuck. could never kill someone like her. she gets it. shes the total package. beautiful, sweetheart, wild, sexy and funny.
You out of your mind if you said marry Jenna with those dogs. You will always be playing second fiddle. No denying that body and the sense of humor is there so definitely an F. Abby gets the M because she is cute as all hell and a brunette. Sorry Kym.
M-Abby
F-Jenna
K-Kym
Just so you all know. This is what Abby looks like in a leotard. Prez, I’m shocked you didn’t post this along with the MFK.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-MiW4pfI9E
Abby is too cute. Have to marry (and fuck I presume?)
I mean people realize, you get to fuck the chick you’re married too usually. Unless you’re ElPres.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-MiW4pfI9E
abby gets a leotard ^^
I would bang Jenna as long as she did not talk…ever. what guy wants to get married, so….. can I kill the other two?
Gotta fuck Jenna, that body is built for sex. Aggressive, rough, grudge sex.
Gotta marry Abby, She’ll raise healthy kids with those utters.
Gotta kill Kym, americanized fake asians are a dime a dozen. She is blazing though.
I need to change my vote after watching that youtube leotard video. I had no idea who abby was, and thought she looked cute in that photo, but after seeing that clip, she gets the K.
Just saw the leotard video. I change my vote.
Marry-Jenna, fuck-Kym, Kill-Abby.
Abby looks like that crazy Toni chick from Love Cruise and Paradise Hotel
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm618437120/nm1430863
photos of kym:
http://www.modelmayhem.com/portfolio/156830/viewall
this has got to be killing blackdude.
Marry Jenna because she is the hottest thing to come out of Boston…ever, Fuck Kim because she is hot as hell, doesn’t matter that she is Asian to me, wouldn’t matter if she was black, red, white, yellow or blue, she is fucking hot, done and done, don’t want to have to kill Abby, it was just the only choice left. I’m sure Abby would make the better wife, but I just want Jenna around for eternity, sense of humor, amazing body and a cute face, yeah I said it, a cute face. You guys are fucking high acting like that is anything less than adorable.
i can’t believe the number of kills abby has. Kim should be at least 70% kills and Abby should be 70% marrys and jenna should be 70% fucks. you guys are all sorts of fucked up.
Abby is adorable and hot at the same time which is a hard feat
Asians all look the same
Jenna’s face is like 4 feet tall and there is nothing like an outspoken mediocre looking girl.
best outta bosotn bday? get the fuck outta your house once and a while.
detox- This is what Abby looks like in a leotard.
that confirms a Kill for Abby
Jenna – Marry
Kym – Bang
Abby – Kill (shovel is optional)
agreed, UserError. bday is on crack.
Nice link peepants. I had no idea she had that bangin’ of a body…the face is still sub-par, but her those pics surprised the shit out of me. All her other photos on Lala, etc. don’t make her look too great:
Marry Jenna, she’s good looking, good sense of humor, you can tell she has a sweet side, doesn’t seen like she’s be too bitchy. She’s great. Fuck Kim, that’s my change, her body is tight – good work Kym. Kill Abby, I find her annoying sometimes anyway. You can tell that body will get soft real quick. She seems like she could turn into an angry housewife in a 5 years too. Got to go with PRes then I guess. Great KFM with these 3 by the way. They will be going apeshit about these results for months.
Abby has some jelly rolls jiggling in that video. She is an easy kill.
also, not sure abby is eligible for this contest anyway, as it appears she quit stoollala a few days ago after jenna called her out and kim piled on.
wish I never saw that video….used to love Abby.
Jenna is so fucking hot, sometimes.
Watched the Abby video with the sound off. Still a definite marry for me.
f-kim, long, hard, deep. right where she stands
m-abby, she will provide food for the small army i’ll push
out of her
k-jenna, by means of suffocation, my dick down her throat.
yap, yap, ughghejefjk, sweet silence.
Are any of these slits going to chime in on this contest?
If you’re going to do marry fuck kill you need to do the original
Oprah, Barbara Walters, and your wife
kill-asian
fuck-jenna
marry-abby i would absolutely bring abby home to my mom
Superfat wants another category added. Marry, Fuck, Kill, Eat.
YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE. THIS IS THE MOST DEGRADING THING TO WOMEN I’VE EVER SEEN. JUST DISGUSTING. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU ARE FILTHY PIGS.
(PS I would 100% fuck Jenna, marry Kim and kill off abby)
Now that you all know these girls, ask them what it actually does to hear what guys want to do to them. Is it good to hear that guys just want to kill you, or fuck you?
What irony, Jenna’s bar graph is a penis.
Mittens says:
December 10, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Watched the Abby video with the sound off. Still a definite marry for me.
_____________________________________________________________________________
It’s not the sound that’s bothering me, it’s the doughy midsection and lack of hips.
This is too easy.
Marry Abby
Fuck Jenna
Kill Kym
You motherfuckers that would be stuck marrying Abby must be certified loons too. I had the same picks as Pres. Jenna can dance in w/e she wants. She seems like a loyal bitch.
i’ll let someone else marry and fuck twice, i want to kill jenna 3 times
Abby’s the only one I could stand to be in the same room with for more then a couple hours – so easy marry.
Either Kim or Jenna would be a great fuck; however, Jenna would have more pull getting Kim over for the 3 way. Slam them both, then kill kim on the way out the door.
wish i could have killed jenna AND kim, then fucked and married abby
both of them are annoying as fuck
I would marry the shit out of Abby, and I’m not even spitting out any coffee.
As for Jenna, just remember the “How to trick guys into thinking you’re hot” video, and imagine waking up next to the girl in the beginning of that vid.
I really should of watched that video before I voted, fucking kill Abby for her voice alone.
Manzo would for sure get the most kills even though he’s already dead
Jenna owns the Fuck button
how can you not marry jenna shes hot as hell and hilarious… but then again i am a little worried that she might be bald by the age of 35 though because she keeps using her head as a god damn coloring book
Marry: Jenna, because she’s entertaining and attractive.
Fuck: Kim, she’s just hotter than Abs.
Kill: Abby. It’s a shame to kill those cans, but every contest must have a loser.
abby i’d never kill you. email me.
bye
I can’t believe there aren’t more kill Kim comments. The results were a little more like I expected, but based on the comments they were probably just racially motivated kills. Stoolies have a short memory. She might be the most annoying person of all time.
http://boston.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/getting-weird-with-jenna-in-atlantic-city-at-the-world-series-of-beer-pong/
She’s so annoying, I wouldn’t even want to bang her with ear plugs.
K – Kim
F – Jenna
M – Abby by default
fuck* down the board
I don’t know who any of these bitches are cause I’ve never once been on that dog shit site stoolala
only reason i chose to marry kim and kill abby is cuz abby reminds me of rosie o donald with that damn bandana. can’t have that. get a better picture and id reverse that.
ur a retard if u dont know who jenna is by now at least.
…cue the sexual harassment lawsuit(s)…
Horrible picture of Abby. I saw her leotard video, and would like to change my vote from kill to marry por favor. I think the biggest thing for me is that no girl looks cute with a bandanna, ever.
I created a wordpress account for the sole purpose of voicing my opinion on this Marry, Fuck, Kill scenario. I’d also like to add that it was a huge pain in the ass to reset my password to something memorable instead of a random collage of letters, numbers and symbols. Some of that might be because it’s 2:55am and I’m fairly drunk. That said, anyone that didn’t vote to marry Jenna is out of their fucking mind. If it weren’t for her, there would be no Abby or Kim. Yeah Kim has the exotic Asian thing going for her and Abby has giant knockers, but so what? Jenna MADE them who they are today. Truth be told, I’d fuck all three of them, but since that isn’t an option (but maybe it should be), I’m going with marry Jenna, fuck Abby and kill Kim. Sorry Kim, but I haven’t forgotten Pearl Harbor.
I am absolutely fucking appalled that Abby gets the most Kills. Fuck that noise, I’ll save you.
This was almost as tough as the Biel, Johansen, Lively showdown. On a much smaller scale of course.
After much thought:
Marry Abby. Epic tits, great face, seems chill.
Fuck Kym. Always wanted to fuck an asian and I never have.
Kill Jenna. Don’t get me wrong, I’d fuck the balls outta Jenna, and she is probably slightly hotter than Kym. But I’ve had my share of blondes and I need some yellow.
Marry – Abby
Fuck – Kym
Kill – Jenna – Can someone please tell Jenna that chicks swearing isn’t funny by itself? Be creative and write some actual jokes.
I want to fuck and marry Abby. Kill the other two.
Kill Jenna. Nasty trashy whore.