DM — Middle-aged women are more satisfied with their sex lives as they get older – even though they have less sex and say their partners have performance issues in the bedroom. Men, on the other hand, say they are less satisfied as time goes on. The survey, of 1,000 heterosexual couples found that while nearly three quarters of married or cohabiting women between ages 50 and 79 said they were satisfied with their sex lives, only half of men of the same age agreed. Also, in those aged 50-59, 16 per cent of men were very dissatisfied with their sex lives compared to only 10 per cent of women. In those over 70 years old, this rises to a quarter of men being very dissatisfied and drops to seven per cent of women feeling the same way.

Middle aged women are happier with their fucks than middle aged men are? Gee, that’s a surprise. Wonder why that could be. Maybe because a woman’s ideal sex life is having a nice home and a full bank account waiting for her when she’s done.  You think they give a fuck about the actual quality of the sex?  Last time they cared about how hard they got fucked was in their sorority. Of course they’re happy even though their partners have performance issues in the bedroom. They’d rather have him get a noodle dick so they can go into the bathroom and work the vibrator for a few minutes then come out and get some online shopping done on his credit card. Have the whole process done by the time Letterman’s monologue starts.

Men and women just mature differently. And by that I mean woman mature and men don’t. A middle aged woman doesn’t even want to have sex let alone wild and kinky shit. Men on the other hand? They want to have the same kind of sex I want to have which is the same kind of sex 13 year old me wanted to have. They’re exhausted 6 days a week and on the day they do decide to pop a Cialis they’d rather reenact the Asa Akira Nuru massage scene they just saw on PornHub, not sit in bathtubs in the middle of nowhere and talk about feelings.

PS – Stiffler’s mom may have started the trend but she’s like the worst MILF in history.