Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This is my friend Ed, long story short, he’s a disaster. He’s a great guy, just gets the absolute drunkest every time and pukes on chicks. His style is comparable to a tall 7th grader. His outstanding shitheadness has also landed him in the hospital with a hole in his esophagus, caused from drinking so much and puking. It has been a roller coaster couple of weeks for Ed- one week he’s sucking on his first titty and the next he finds out he’s out of commission for a month. Therefore I figured, what better time to get your act together than the 30 days of no drinking. Please All Mighty Pres, help improve my friend, it would benefit us all.